Every relationship has its ups and downs. This worldwide health crisis has created more pressure and stress for those in a committed relationship. For many, those in intimate relationships have struggled greatly.
The good news is that the tools to help get you through the pandemic are not novel. These age-old tools have helped many couples survive and thrive, regardless of what’s happening in the world. They can also help bring you closer together as a couple.
Here are five essential relationship tools that you can use with your partner to get through COVID-19 together.
1. Holding Firm Boundaries With Each Other
Let’s start with boundaries. Partners need to have limits with each other, especially now. Whether it’s where you put your dirty laundry to being respectful of your partner’s need for quiet during a video conference, you need boundaries.
One significant boundary during the pandemic is having separate workspaces, assuming both partners work inside of the home. If both of you went from working at the office to remote work, then it helps to establish boundaries and expectations, such as:
- Having separate work-spaces. One could be in an office while the other sets up at the dining room table during the day.
- Designating a start and end time for the workday.
- Volume levels when you are on calls — perhaps staggering calls so that you don’t overlap each other.
Another thing to consider; avoid working while at mealtime! That means putting the phone down and not responding to messages — reserve that time to focus on each other.
2. Create Structure
Even before COVID-19, couples in committed relationships would create structure and routine for themselves. How does this apply to relationships? Routine creates familiarity and predictability. Those are not bad things for a relationship!
More than anything — and especially now — they can be comforting. Structure helps you both feel relaxed. You each know what to expect. Sit down at the beginning of the week to plan your schedule, including your weekend agenda. This approach gives you something to look forward to and helps put closure on the week.
Note: If you have kids, you are undoubtedly creating lots of structure as you juggle multiple schedules! Use online tools to keep everything organized.
3. Listen to Your Partner
Now more than ever, it’s vital that you listen to one another. When you listen, hold back on giving your unsolicited opinion. Instead, try to absorb what your partner is saying. Connect it with the experiences you have had in your own life.
For instance, if your partner says they are scared about the pandemic, connect that to your own lived experience. Perhaps you feel afraid, too. If there is a mismatch of concern about the pandemic, try to relate what they say to your own life.
Affirm what they are saying. This approach helps them to feel understood. When your partner feels understood and validated, they also feel safe, secure, and supported. These are things we all need during the pandemic.
4. Communicate Effectively With One Another
Developing and implementing useful communication skills is a lifelong process. But now is the time when we need these tools the most. Use assertive language that conveys you are hearing your partner. Express your position without casting blame or being mean to them.
This approach helps to prevent tense discussions from escalating into arguments. If you notice the conversation getting more heated, agree to take a break, and set a time to revisit the topic.
5. Be Spontaneous
As mentioned above, structure is necessary for any committed relationship (especially with kids!). However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be spontaneous and have fun either.
Maybe in the past, that meant going out to a restaurant or seeing a show together. Now, why not decide last minute to get take-out or go to the park for a picnic? Even little moments such as a hug or saying, “I love you,” are spontaneous moments that benefit the relationship.
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These relationship tools are nothing new – they are practical things that everyone can do to help strengthen their relationship. With the added stress on relationships due to the pandemic, they are more important than ever.
If you are struggling with your partner, don’t hesitate to ask for support. Contact us to find out how couples counseling can help you and your relationship.