Even the strongest, healthiest couples argue. No one feels happy all the time, and it’s normal to get angry about things. Communicating while angry can be a big challenge, especially in a relationship.
Getting angry isn’t usually the issue—it’s how you respond to that anger, and how you choose to move forward.
When you’re upset about something, you might be more likely to “snap” at your partner, or to say things you don’t really mean. Your tone of voice can be different, and you might even bring up past issues just to validate your experience or with the intention to make your partner feel angry and/or bad.
There are better, more effective ways to communicate with your partner when you’re angry. Even if your anger is directed at them, choosing to communicate in healthy ways will diffuse a disagreement and help you both treat each other with respect. That kind of effort will reflect positively on your relationship and can even make you a stronger couple.
With that in mind, let’s cover a few tips you can use to communicate with your partner when you’re angry.
Tips for Communicating while Angry:
Tip 1: Understand the Anger
When you feel angry, everything else can become a blur. You might not be thinking clearly, and you might end up forgetting what caused you to become angry in the first place.
Unfortunately, that can lead to communication issues.
Before you talk to your partner, take a step back, breathe and find the source of your anger. Did your partner do something to upset you? Are you angry about something else going on in your life? Determining that source will allow you to create a plan of action to work through it. You’ll also be less likely to focus on other things that might not be relevant to the situation.
Tip 2: Be Specific and Direct
You can be direct with your partner when you’re upset without being disrespectful when you’re communicating while angry. No one wants to play games or deal with a passive-aggressive nature.
Be open and honest about how you’re feeling and why. Prioritize speaking kindly and softly instead of yelling or using harsh words. Your partner has the right to know why you’re angry and if they can do anything to help alleviate some of the anger.
Tip 3: Encourage a Discussion
Effective communication is a two-way street. While it’s okay to “vent” to your partner about why you’re angry, make sure you’re prepared to be an active listener, too. You’ll be able to work through your anger much faster and more effectively if you both talk about it.
Together, you can dissect the anger and where it’s coming from. Then you can create a plan of action to work through it. You can also work to avoid whatever might have triggered it in the future. Your partner deserves to be heard. They might want to apologize, and they might be able to help you come up with effective solutions you wouldn’t have thought of on your own.
Tip 4: You’re On the Same Team
Anger blinds us to a lot of things. It can make you feel like you’re alone, or that no one understands you. Communicating while angry can disrupt your usual communication style with your partner.
Your anger might fuel that frustration, and you could take it out on your partner. Even in the midst of your anger, it’s important to remember that they’re on your side. Even if they caused or contributed to your negative feelings, it doesn’t mean they’re “against” you.
Remembering you’re on the same team can make a big difference in how you approach communication. You might not always agree, and you might make each other mad sometimes. Remember, you have the same goals and want the same things. As you keep that in mind, as well as some of these other tips, communication becomes a lot easier and healthier, no matter how upset you are.
Tip 6: Seek Out Support
Sometimes we get stuck in communication cycles and they’re not always helpful. Are communication challenges continuing to impact your relationship(s)? If you’ve tried these tips to and communicating while angry is still a barrier, don’t hesitate to reach out for additional support in building better tools, Contact Us. It’s important to seek out professional help and know that you’re not alone.