What to Do If Your Older Child Is Jealous of a Younger Sibling?

Siblings can be the best of friends, but that doesn’t mean they’ll always get along. It’s fairly normal for siblings to “fight” and argue. They are different personalities living under one roof, and they might even develop sibling rivalries throughout their young lives.

Many people tend to think younger siblings are the ones who often get jealous. They might want to hang out with their older sibling, or do the things their older sibling gets to do. But, it’s not necessarily uncommon for older children to be jealous of their younger siblings.

This kind of jealousy can occur because the younger child gets more attention. Or, the older sibling might think their younger brother or sister “gets away” with more. Whatever the case, it can create a rift in your family that leads to an unhealthy environment.

So, what can you do if your older child is jealous of a younger sibling?

Acknowledge Their Feelings

It’s easy for parents to expect more from an older sibling. Unfortunately, that can sometimes lead to responsibilities and expectations that aren’t necessarily fair. You might pay more attention to a younger child because they need you more than the older one does. They rely on you for everything, so it’s natural to give them more of your time and care.

But, that doesn’t mean your older child’s feelings are obsolete.

If they’re feeling jealous, listen to them. Encourage them to open up about their feelings and don’t brush them off just because you don’t see things the same way.

Validate their feelings by saying things like “I can understand how us paying more attention to your sibling might make you feel bad,” or “I’m sorry if we haven’t been giving you the attention you deserve.”

It doesn’t take much to let your child know they matter, and doing so can make a big difference. They’ll likely be more willing to open up and communicate, and it will give you a chance to figure out what you can do to give them the attention and care they need.

Avoid Comparison

Sometimes, kids will assume their parents have a “favorite” child. While you know that’s not true, consider the reasons an older sibling might think that.

One of the biggest problems siblings have to deal with is comparison. Unfortunately, it often comes from parents, and you might not even realize you’re doing it.

Maybe your younger child is better at a certain sport and you bring it up a lot. Maybe they do better in school than their older sibling. Or, maybe they have the same hobbies and interests as their older sibling but they just tend to pick up on things more naturally.

Comparison can be a huge problem in family relationships. Even if you don’t intentionally compare your children, your older child might feel slighted when you talk about something your younger child does better. They might feel like their own efforts have gone unnoticed. They might even feel like they’re not good enough.

That can impact their self-esteem and sense of worth. It can also cause them to feel like they don’t fit in with the family.

What Can You Do?

Again, make sure your older child understands their value and worth. Validate their feelings and encourage open communication. As a parent, do what you can to avoid comparing your kids in any way. Give them equal attention, and aim to understand their feelings.

Communication is important in every relationship. When your older child knows they can come to you with problems, you’re more likely to be able to stop jealousy issues before they become too extreme. Talk to your kids often, and let them know your home is a safe space to open up and share their feelings.