Going through a divorce is never easy. Even if things end amicably, it’s still a stressful time. It’s still okay to grieve the loss you’re experiencing.
But, while going through a divorce without children is hard enough, it can feel ten times heavier when there are kids involved.
Parenting time looks different on a case-by-case basis. In some situations, one parent will have primary custody while another has visitation. In other cases, parents will share custody. In any arrangement, however, you will have to co-parent with your former spouse and make decisions in the best interest of your children.
Unfortunately, that’s sometimes easier said than done.
So, how can you effectively co-parent after a divorce and continue to raise your children together when your marriage didn’t work out?
Keep Conversations About the Children
When you were married to someone for any length of time, it’s easy to fall back into old habits when you talk. You might start bringing up issues you had within the marriage. Or, you might either go on the attack or the defensive if you’re particularly frustrated with your co-parent.
One of the best ways to keep things moving forward is to limit your interactions as much as possible. When you interact, make sure you’re only talking about the kids. It’s your job as parents to create positive environments for your children and to guide them as they grow. You need to be on the same page for that.
When you keep your conversations on that subject, you’re less likely to get into petty arguments, and you can actually form a better, healthier relationship as co-parents.
Be Respectful
If you can get in the mindset of treating your co-parent like a colleague, you’re more likely to treat them with respect. Remember, you aren’t married anymore. You don’t owe that person anything other than respect and professionalism in the raising of your children.
A little respect will go a long way, and you’ll likely get it in return if you’re willing to show it.
Start With a Plan
Soon after the divorce, or even before it’s final, it’s a good idea to sit down with your co-parent and create a plan together. Obviously, plans can be changed and amended. But creating a plan for what you want your parenting strategy to look like is a great place to start. It will give you a springboard and ensure that you’re both on the same page.
When you agree on things enough to create a plan together, it’s less likely that your future interactions or discussions about your children will be so tense. You might not agree on everything about their child-rearing habits. But, coming up with a plan you are both comfortable with will make a big difference.
Don’t Badmouth Your Co-Parent
Remember, you’re not the only one experiencing loss because of a divorce. Your children are experiencing a loss in their lives, too, and are going through some major changes from the things they’re used to.
Never say anything bad about your co-parent in front of your children. Even if your divorce was contentious, you risk confusing them or making it tense for them to be around their other parent.
Your goal should be to foster a healthy relationship between your children and their other parent, rather than trying to tear that relationship down. If you badmouth your co-parent, you’re really only hurting your children.
There will be times when co-parenting is easy, and times when it feels nearly impossible. Keep these tips in mind to succeed with your former partner, and to make sure you’re always putting the wellbeing of your children first. If you need help in navigating how to successfully Co-Parent, Contact Us Today. One of our skilled Counselors can help you, your child, and your family. Serenity EFTC offers family, teen, and play therapy.