You can’t help who you love, and frankly, it shouldn’t matter where they come from, what their background is, or what they look like. It can be hard to believe that in the 21st century, bicultural marriages still face challenges, but they do.
Unfortunately, some of those challenges can be taxing.
Some of them are internal — things you and your spouse might have to work out on your own. Others have to do with societal issues that you’ll be able to face together. But, the first step is understanding what those challenges are so you can tackle them head first.
Stereotyping and Discrimination
Racism is, unfortunately, alive and well today. While it might not look the same as it did decades ago, there are some people who will always stereotype and discriminate against certain ethnicities. It can be difficult to see your spouse struggle with the effects of racism, or for them to see you facing those problems.
It can drive a wedge between you and make you both feel alone because, no matter what you do, it’s impossible to fully understand what the other person is experiencing. Because of that, racism and discrimination are both societal issues and potential marriage issues.
Starting a Family
Bicultural marriages are beautiful because they allow two different cultures to come together to create something new. But, that doesn’t mean there aren’t cultural clashes, too. Those clashes can become more apparent when you’re raising children.
While teaching your children about your different cultures is a great way for them to get to know their roots, you might struggle to agree on things like traditions, schooling, holidays, or even religion. That can cause discord in your marriage and even cause you to resent your partner’s culture.
Family and Friends
You might love your spouse no matter what, but that doesn’t mean your family and close friends will. It’s not easy for some people to accept other cultural norms into their lives — especially when it comes to familial traditions.
In the end, if the people closest to you aren’t willing to accept your spouse, you’ll have to make a decision about how much of a role they’ll play in your life. That can be heartbreaking for anyone.
Expectations and Decisions
Every married couple has a variety of decisions to make every day — some big, some small. While you’ll probably be able to come to agreements on the “small stuff,” major life decisions can be impacted by your cultural backgrounds.
You might have different expectations, beliefs, or feelings about things like your money, family roles and responsibilities, and what your future should look like. It’s often hard to compromise when those expectations have been rooted in your identity since you were a child.
How to Overcome the Challenges of a Bicultural Marriage
While these challenges can be difficult and trying at times, they don’t have to cause your marriage to crumble.
The best thing you can do to keep your marriage strong is to prioritize communication. It’s important in every healthy relationship, but it’s especially necessary when you’re coming from different backgrounds. Don’t leave anything to chance and don’t keep to yourself when you have a question or opinion. The more open your communication, the better.
Second, be excited about your differences and learn as much about them as possible. Open yourself up to your spouse’s culture and ask them to do the same. The more you educate yourself, the easier it will be to see things from their perspective.
Finally, don’t feel like you have to overcome the barriers of a bicultural marriage on your own. If you’re struggling with communication and the challenges of your differences, consider talking to one of our skilled professionals and Contact Us for more information.