Communication is a key factor in any successful relationship. But not everyone has the same communication style. More often than not, romantic partners can work together to overcome those styles and find ways to effectively interact with each other.
But, that’s not so easy when you have an avoidant partner.
Avoidant partners might have trouble focusing on the present. They might be suspicious or have trust issues. They might also want to limit communication or seem standoffish when you want to talk.
Obviously, those traits can make it difficult to have meaningful, deep interactions with each other. So, what can you do to boost your communication with an avoidant partner?
Cultivate the Right Atmosphere
Some avoidant people might not always feel safe or comfortable in every environment. That’s why they come across as distrustful and suspicious. One of the best things you can do to help them open up is to create a safe space for your conversations.
In addition to a calm and safe physical space, it’s important that your partner knows you accept them exactly as they are. The more they feel valued, understood, and heard, the more likely they are to open up.
Learn Each Other’s Love Languages
Everyone has a love language. Even if you haven’t read the best-selling book, you’ve probably heard of the various languages. Maybe you’ve never considered what yours is. If you want to increase intimacy and communication with your partner, discover your love languages together.
The five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service or practical support
- Receiving gifts
When you learn more about your partner’s love language, you can work on showing them your love and affection in ways that speak the loudest to them. They’ll feel more comfortable opening up and they’re likely to return the favor by using your love language to communicate with you.
Spend Some Time Alone
Spending time apart as a couple might not initially seem like a great idea, but alone time can help both you and your partner. Alone time helps you establish healthy boundaries in your relationship.
It’s typical for avoidant partners to need alone time, but they might feel too ashamed or embarrassed to ask for it. By offering it as a suggestion on a regular basis, you’ll take that shame away and give them exactly what they need.
For your benefit, spending time on your own can help you rediscover yourself. You might end up finding a new hobby or interest, or just appreciate the silence for a while.
Don’t Take Things Personally
It might sometimes feel like your partner isn’t present with you. Maybe you’re trying to have a conversation with them, or maybe you’re trying to build intimacy. When it feels like they’re “absent,” it can be hurtful, even if they don’t mean for it to be.
It’s important to remember it’s not because of you. For example, if you bring it up to your partner and express how you feel as a response to their actions, they may feel embarrassed or ashamed. As a result, they might be even more standoffish because they don’t want to risk hurting you.
Your feelings count in your relationship. They are valid and they are worth hearing and being understood. You don’t have to give up parts of yourself because you have an avoidant partner.
However, if you’re struggling with communication in your relationship, these tips can help. Not only will they make it easier to establish healthy boundaries, but you’ll develop a better understanding of your partner and yourself along the way. If you’re noticing you and/or your partner are wanting professional help to improve communication, Contact Us to get started.