The old saying about being your own worst enemy can feel very true when you struggle with shame and self-loathing.
So many people deal with negative self-talk. It can be hard to look at yourself in the mirror each morning without feeling shameful, even when it’s undeserved.
Thankfully, these feelings aren’t something you need to live with forever.
No matter what your inner voice is telling you, there are ways to cope with — and overcome — shame and self-loathing. While your thoughts might not change overnight, these strategies can help you deal with self-loathing on a long-term basis. Keeping them in your arsenal will help you combat those thoughts and feelings whenever they start to arise.
Understand the Source of Shame
One of the best ways to cope with shame is to understand the cause of it. You might have a harsh inner critic constantly causing self-judgment or forcing you to ask yourself who you are. Your shame might also stem from childhood, a bad adult relationship, or from a traumatic event.
Think about when you first started hearing experiencing negative thoughts that influence the perception of yourself. It’s not always easy to “go back” and consider when it started, but it’s a necessary first step in overcoming that sense of shame.
Fight Back
Once you understand where your inner critic is coming from, you can actively “talk back” when they start to put you down.
Imagine yourself as a stronger person, even if you don’t necessarily feel that way. Think of your inner critic as a bully and consider how you would want to stand up for yourself if a bully approached you.
You can first ask yourself if the things your inner critic is saying are even realistic. Once you determine they aren’t, it’s easier to fight back with facts and with strength.
Keep a Journal
Journaling can be a great way to cope with shame and self-loathing. Maybe you’re not ready to talk back to those negative thoughts. But putting your emotions on paper can help.
Journaling provides a way to keep your thoughts and feelings organized. It also serves as a road map you can look back on to determine your triggers, how specific things make you feel, and how you handled especially difficult situations.
Eventually, your journal will become a guide you can use to fight back against your shame. You don’t have to be a talented writer to benefit from jotting down your thoughts and feelings. Doing so can reduce your stress, improve your mood, and help you see things more clearly.
Show Yourself Compassion
If a close friend or family member approached you and started speaking negatively about themselves, how would you respond?
Chances are, you would show them kindness and compassion. You would assure them those thoughts weren’t true, and you might even start to list all of their positive qualities to help them see reality.
So, why not do the same when it comes to your own negative thoughts?
We’re so often told to treat others the way we would like to be treated. However, that requires treating yourself with kindness and compassion first.
Show yourself some grace and fight back against shameful thoughts with as many positive ones as possible. It’s not always easy to think as positively of yourself as it is of others, but when you’re committed to treating yourself as a friend, it’s possible.
If you’re still struggling with shame and self-loathing and having a hard time moving past it, don’t feel like you have to deal with it alone. Feel free to Contact Us to set up a complimentary consultation. You may also learn more about Trauma Therapy or Anxiety Treatment. Serenity Experiential Family Therapy Center offers therapy services in Colorado.