Are You Feeling Lonely Or Lost In Your Relationship? 

Are you and your spouse or partner struggling to communicate and connect? Do you feel lonely in your relationship, not feeling seen, heard, valued or even loved? Maybe you argue often, having the same fight over and over again. Or it might be that your relationship has become stale and dispassionate. Maybe kids, careers and other daily responsibilities have absorbed the time you once reserved for each other. Or a differing of values and needs concerning sex, parenting, money or distribution of responsibilities is creating stress, frustration and disconnection. 

Perhaps an infidelity or another betrayal has disturbed trust and rocked the foundation of your relationship. Maybe you feel like no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to do anything right in the eyes of your partner and increased stress is causing you to fight each other instead of supporting each other. Your relationship struggles might be impacting other important aspects of your life, significantly affecting your ability to focus and be present. You might be experiencing anxiety or depression, feeling lost, and not knowing how to rekindle the contentment and support you once felt. Do you wish you knew how to communicate effectively with your partner? Do you wish you felt understood, valued and loved?

You Are Not Alone

If you are feeling challenged in your relationship, you are not alone. Every couple goes through phases where they struggle to communicate and connect. 

Connecting deeply with another can feel scary. We all have fears and old wounds. Our intimate partners can trigger these parts that have been hurt, activating defenses we have learned throughout our lives to protect ourselves. These hurts, left unresolved, build into bigger, more compounded issues. We—often unintentionally—poke at the old hurts, which can lead to heated arguments and withdrawal from each other. Many couples begin wondering how they went from a loving and supportive relationship to fighting and disconnection. 

We live in a society that doesn’t promote closeness and vulnerability. Instead we’re taught to cultivate strength and individuality. We also learn by example, and many of us were raised in chaotic families in which our parents were divorced or didn’t get along. Even if our parents did get along, we can unintentionally bring old patterns and behaviors into our intimate relationships. Our partners bring their baggage, too. With so many moving parts and a lack of understanding, closeness and communication are affected. Many couples lose sight of what initially drew them together. 

The good news is that even with these struggles, you and your partner can reconnect and develop connection and emotional safety. With the guidance and support of a highly trained, compassionate and understanding couples counselor, you and your partner can significantly strengthen your relationship and the bond you share. 

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Can Help You Communicate And Connect

Research shows that Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT) facilitates lasting change. After just months of engaging with this approach to relationship counseling, couples feel more emotionally close and connected. 

As a highly trained EFT couples counselor, we first develop an understanding of both your and your partner’s individual and collective experience within the relationship. Once we gather this understanding, we focus on the stuck places in your relationship and what is fundamentally creating the disconnection in communication and closeness. 

Throughout the couples counseling process, it’s important that each of you feel supported and understood. Together, we will uncover the past wounds you each carry that are affecting your relationship. We will identify, explore and address triggers in ways that foster understanding, empathy, compassion and support. We’ll also identify the cycles and patterns that you and your partner have become caught up in, reconstructing those negative interactions to become more positive and healing. The EFCT model helps you better understand each other. As you talk openly and authentically in a safe space, you will actively and lovingly restructure how you interact. You will learn how to communicate and respond in ways that deepen the trust and support between you.  

In addition to using the Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy model, we also draw from mindfulness and somatic approaches, bringing awareness to what you are experiencing in the present moment. At times we all struggle to understand what it is we are truly feeling. Sitting with emotions, such as sadness, grief and regret, rather than trying to push it all away can give rise to unexpected and wonderful relief. It is said that what we resist persists, but when we’re able to feel through something, we’re often able to let it go, allowing ourselves to feel lighter and more free. 

As your couples counselor, we are committed to creating a safe space in which you both feel heard, understood, supported and valued. All the work we do is centered around compassion, normalizing each person’s experience. We will work actively and collaboratively with you and your partner to truly understand your experience and develop the insights, openness and vulnerability needed to deepen your connection to each other. 

Unlike traditional EFT couples counselors, we also give you tools and ways to practically apply what you discover in sessions to your relationship and in your lives. Based on your relationship needs, we can offer you communication strategies, mindfulness skills, ways to navigate stressful situations and insights on how to comfort each other through it all. 

Although your relationship might feel fragile right now, it is possible to feel happier, more connected and more peaceful than ever—both in your relationship and in your lives. Through Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy you can develop a deeper connection and feel more supported. Trust can be strengthened and restored. You can have a partner that understands, loves and values you no matter what comes your way. 

You still might wonder if couples therapy is right for you…

We’ve been in couples counseling before and it didn’t help. How could working with you be different?

There are many therapists out there who aren’t specifically trained to work with couples, and unfortunately, working with couples without sufficient training can cause harm. It’s important that you find a couples counselor who is using effective, evidence-based approaches and with whom you feel is a good fit.

We are highly trained EFCT therapists and knowledgeable in mindfulness and somatic approaches. Furthermore, we see each relationship as unique. We will work with you to uncover what you need to promote closeness and collectively heal while deepening and strengthening your relationship. 

I’m nervous about what could come up in counseling sessions and worry that you’ll take my partner’s side.

What’s most important to me in our sessions is that both you and your partner feel heard, understood and validated. Couples counseling does not work otherwise. In the work we do, there is no taking sides because there are no sides to take. Our work together is focused on strengthening the closeness, safety and understanding in your relationship and not on shaming or blaming. We create a space in which each of you gets to speak and share as you work into the heart of the issues together, healing, growing and strengthening yourselves as a couple. 

Do you work with same-sex couples and/or with people in polyamorous relationships? 

Yes! We work with couples and relationships of all shapes and sizes. It’s the relationship that takes precedence in the work that we do. Everyone’s beliefs, values and choices are to be respected and appreciated. We’re here to offer support, regardless of who you love, and help you develop the loving relationship(s) that foster peace, connection, closeness and joy. 

You Can Have A Close, Connected And Loving Relationship 

All relationships go through ups and downs, however, it is possible to create emotional safety and closeness. If you’re in Broomfield, CO or the surrounding area and are looking for a compassionate, understanding, skilled and highly trained Emotionally Focused Couples counselor, we invite you to contact us at (303) 606-6818 to schedule an initial call. We’re happy to talk about your situation, needs and goals and discuss how we can best support you.