How can we have healthy conflict in relationship with others? As a society, we have a mindset that all conflicts are negative. Many people do whatever they can to avoid conflicts. It can make some people anxious, depressed, or even worried about the state of their relationship.
That’s understandable. So many people in relationships get conflict “wrong.”
Arguments and disagreements don’t have to be a bad thing. When you know how to address conflict the right way and work through your disagreements effectively, they can actually strengthen your bond. In short, healthy conflict can be good. Let’s dive a bit deeper into why that is, and how you can make the most of the disagreements in your relationship.
Hurt Feelings Rarely Go Away on Their Own
It’s not uncommon for people in relationships to “brush things under the rug” to avoid conflict. That might work as a short-term solution. However, emotions will always demand to be felt. Beyond that, if you’re feeling hurt by something your partner did or you know you hurt them in some way, those feelings are still there whether you discuss them or not.
Unfortunately, when you don’t discuss them, they can become worse. When left to our own devices, our imaginations can make things worse than they really are.
Discussing any hurt feelings as soon as possible can sometimes help lessen the sting and allow you both to move on more effectively.
More importantly, you’ll reduce tension and stress in your relationship. When you’re not talking about important things, you might both feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
Being able to openly discuss difficult topics—even with disagreement—can decrease that tension.
You’ll Boost Trust and Intimacy
When you argue the right way, you’ll respect each other’s feelings and boundaries. You’ll also learn how to communicate more effectively as individuals, and as a couple.
Strong communication is a cornerstone of any successful relationship. It will help to improve your trust levels. You’ll know that you can count on what your partner is saying, even when it’s hard. And, when you’re willing to work through difficult things together, it will grow your intimacy.
You’ll feel closer than ever, rather than constantly wondering what the other person might be thinking or feeling. Those feelings of intimacy can carry over into your conversations, your deeply-rooted emotions, and even your physical connection with each other.
How to Settle Conflicts the Right Way
Now that you have a basic understanding of why healthy conflict can be good, what does it look like?
It starts with understanding each other’s communication styles. You might need things explained differently than your partner, and that’s okay. Pay attention to your style and theirs, and try to cater to their needs when it comes to the way you talk about things.
Listening is just as important to talking.
Be an active listener in your relationship. Don’t just hear what your partner has to say, but make sure they know you understand. Validate their feelings. Acknowledge their opinions. Take action on things that need to change.
When you argue or disagree, keep your conflict in the present. One of the worst things you can do is to bring up past hurts or disagreements. Your goal should be to move forward together, not constantly drag out old issues.
Finally, remember that you’re on the same team.
You might not always see eye-to-eye on everything. You might hurt each other with words or actions. However, at the end of the day, you and your partner should strive for the same outcomes.
If you need help working through conflicts in your relationship, you’re not alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out so you can learn how to disagree effectively.
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If you’re struggling to connect with your loved one or you’re concerned about a lack of communication in your household, consider trying couples counseling and/or family therapy. Contact us for more information or to set up an appointment with one of our highly skilled therapists. Serenity EFTC offers therapy services in Colorado.