The holidays can be a wonderful time to get together with family members. This year is especially important since many people didn’t get the chance to spend the season with loved ones last year during the pandemic.
But, no matter how much time passes, families can still butt heads and have issues.
The last thing you want is to spend your holiday events feeling tense, stressed, or overwhelmed by the challenges your family faces.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to avoid some of those common challenges. Learning more about how to get past them now will make the season merrier and brighter for you, and less stressful for other members of your family, too.
With that in mind, let’s cover a few of those common challenges and what you can do to make sure they don’t ruin your season.
Bringing Up the Past
We all know those relatives who can’t seem to let things go. Even if something happened years ago, they’re quick to bring it up in a conversation because they still hold a grudge—even if they say they don’t.
If there was ever a time of year to practice forgiveness and let bygones be bygones, it’s the holidays.
While it’s important to acknowledge people’s feelings, that doesn’t mean you need to add fuel to their fire. Try to redirect the conversation by changing the subject. If that individual (or multiple individuals) keeps bringing up the past, it’s okay to tell them you’re not interested in talking about it. That’s a boundary that you have every right to put in place.
Setting Your Boundaries
Speaking of boundaries, set them!
Decide now what those boundaries will be, so you can share them with your family before your first get-together.
First, decide which events you want to go to. One of your boundaries might include saying “no” to certain gatherings or saying “no” to bringing a specific dish, etc. You might even set a boundary when it comes to the amount of time you’ll spend somewhere, or the people you’ll talk to.
By making these boundaries clear, your family will know to respect your wishes and do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. There might be one or two people who don’t want to respect those boundaries and may try to test them. However, that’s the time to hold firm to make sure they know you’re serious.
Pressures About the Future
If you’ve recently gotten into a relationship or you’re the newest married member of the family, one of the challenges you might face is people talking to you about the future. Even if you’re single, you might have to deal with that aunt asking you when you’re going to “settle down” and start a family.
While most people mean well when bringing up future possibilities, it can be uncomfortable and tense to talk about. Maybe you aren’t able to have children but haven’t let anyone know. Maybe you’re struggling in your relationship, or even with your own identity.
If you find yourself being interrogated about the future, try to switch the subject. Do it in a lighthearted way, by telling a joke or redirecting the conversation to something easier to talk about.
There are so many common challenges families face around the holidays. From people with different political views to parents who seem keen on criticizing their adult children’s lives, the issues are endless. The best thing you can do to avoid them is not to allow yourself to get “sucked in”.
Often, changing the subject or simply leaving the conversation can make a big difference. The issues may still arise, but you don’t have to be a part of them. You might surprise yourself by the positive impact that can have on your entire holiday season.
If you need help learning about some of the better ways to cope, feel free to contact me. Family conflict is hard, but not impossible to work through. With the right techniques and mindset, you can come to a resolution that works best for you.