Most people have a basic understanding of what codependency is, but might not understand just how much it can impact relationships. On the other hand, the idea of enmeshment might be new for you.
That’s why it’s so important to have clear definitions of both, and to understand how they’re related.
Both codependency and enmeshment can take a toll on your relationships. While they aren’t the same thing, they can both lead to unhealthy balances in your relationship and cause you to lose sight of who you are and what you really want.
Let’s take a closer look at how codependency and enmeshment are linked, as well as some of the differences, and what you can do if you’re in a relationship where either issue is present.
What Is Codependency?
Codependency occurs in a relationship when one partner needs the other one. As a result, the “needed” partner needs to be needed. It’s a cycle that can lead to unhealthy dynamics and a lack of balance and boundaries in a relationship.
What’s the problem if those roles are filled the way people want? Unfortunately, codependency often creates identity issues.
For example, the partner who needs the other one might start to lose their sense of self. Their self-esteem will struggle, they’ll lose confidence, and they might not even know who they are without the other person around. Their happiness and satisfaction rely solely on the happiness of their partner. As you might expect, that can create issues, especially if the relationship doesn’t work out.
What Is Enmeshment?
Boundaries are essential in any healthy relationship. Unfortunately, enmeshment occurs when there are unclear boundaries, or permeable boundaries that can be “shifted” or even broken without consequences.
When someone is in an enmeshed relationship, they feel overly connected to their partner. It can happen with both partners, in which you feel each other’s emotions. For example, if your partner is sad about something, you become sad, too.
In some cases, enmeshment can cause one person to feel so overly connected with their partner that they lose themselves in the process. You might forget about your own needs, wants, desires, and goals. You might even experience anxiety when you aren’t around your partner.
What’s the Connection?
You can probably see a few similarities between enmeshment and codependency. But, often, one causes the other.
Codependency often stems from your environment and past situations. If you grew up in a family that was enmeshed, you might have learned that codependency was the “norm” from a very early age, causing you to seek out relationships where you felt the need to give up a piece of yourself for your partner.
Growing up in an enmeshed family often teaches unhealthy boundaries and can make you question your identity from an early age, attracting you to relationships that fuel those ideas and never allow you to explore who you truly are.
What Can You Do?
If these examples of codependency and/or enmeshment sound familiar, don’t assume that you’re stuck in a negative pattern forever. You can be the one to break the cycle, even if you come from an enmeshed family.
In fact, you’ve already started on the right path. Learning more about codependency and enmeshment and acknowledging that you might be struggling with one or the other is the first step toward healing.
Next, consider reaching out for professional help and Contact Us. It’s not easy to break the cycle on your own, and you don’t have to. Therapy can help you better understand some of the common signs of these issues while teaching you the skills necessary to overcome them. With the right help, you can enjoy happy, healthy relationships in the future.