When it comes to intimate relationships, things aren’t always going to go as smoothly as you hope. There will be plenty of hardships along the way that test the strength of your relationship — but hopefully, you and your partner will be able to work through them together.
Sometimes, however, problems in a marriage strike from the inside. They may be occurring without you even realizing it. Consider, for example, your conversational habits.
How do you two speak to one another? Do your conversations often lead to fights? Does your partner often get upset with you for something you said or how you said it? Or are you avoiding talking with your partner because you’re worried how they will react?
If so, you should take some time to determine where destructive conversation habits may have made their way into your relationship.
You’re Not Listening Enough
Talking isn’t the only important part of a conversation — listening is crucial as well! Does your partner complain that you often cut them off when they’re speaking? Or, does it seem like you always have to ask them to repeat something they’ve already said?
If this sounds familiar, then you may need to work on your listening skills. You can contribute to the conversation as much as you’d like but be sure you’re listening to your partner as well.
You Speak To Your Partner Harshly
Sometimes we don’t always say the right thing, or what we’re trying to say comes out wrong. It’s normal to put your foot in your mouth sometimes. Or, if you’re grumpy or in a bad mood, you may snap at someone or be unnecessarily harsh.
It’s okay if this happens from time to time, as long as you realize it and apologize for it. However, if you’re consistently offending your partner, it can become a significant issue.
Consider the conversations you have. Do you often feel frustrated, irritated, or respond in a snarky or demeaning way? If so, you may be causing conflict in the ways you speak to your significant other.
You’re Not Making Time For Little Conversations
It’s easy to take the little things in a relationship for granted after being together for a long time. For example, when was the last time you asked your partner to detail how their day was? Or, when was the last time you complimented them out of the blue?
It may seem silly to do, but going out of your way to make little conversations goes a long way. If you’re only talking about work, kids, or responsibilities with your significant other, you may begin to feel distanced or lose that connection you have.
Make it a point to start conversations about a TV show you recently enjoyed, or a funny tidbit that happened at work. Not only will it get you two talking, but it will hopefully encourage you to laugh and enjoy each other’s company.
You’re Distant or Cold
If your partner tries to open up, but you seem distant or unwilling to communicate, this can make them feel isolated and alone in the relationship. It’s natural for one partner to be more willing to talk about emotions than the other — but it’s still important that both try.
When a partner feels alone or unable to communicate in a relationship, your partner may feel incredibly lonely. If you haven’t been opening up or shutting your partner out, this can quickly lead to trust and intimacy issues.
Working Towards Better Conversation Habits
There’s no need to panic if you feel that your relationship’s conversation habits have become destructive. With the right mindset and a little bit of effort, you can get your talking habits back on track.
Consider seeking the help of a couples counselor to observe how you and your partner speak to one another and to help change the negative patterns . You may have fallen into destructive conversation habits without even realizing it. Start paying closer attention and make a conscious effort to work towards healthier, more effective ways of communicating in your marriage.
You may find that even with trying, you and your partner get stuck in these negative patterns. If that is the case, contact me today to find out how I can help. I offer couples counseling in Colorado.