When you first enter into a relationship, you might put a lot of your focus on the chemistry you feel with your partner. It’s often the first thing that draws people together — a feeling you have around each other. You might call it a spark, or simply the way you seem to naturally feed off of each other.
While that initial chemistry is important and exciting, it’s also not often sustainable. You can (and should) remain attracted to your partner. But you’re probably not going to feel the same butterflies you did at the beginning of the relationship a year into things.
That’s why other types of chemistry are just as essential in romantic partnerships — including intellectual chemistry.
Let’s take a closer look at what intellectual chemistry really is, and why it matters.
What Is Intellectual Chemistry?
Intellectual chemistry refers to the attraction beyond the physical. When you’re drawn into someone’s mind and intellectual ability, it can help you feel more connected mentally and emotionally.
You can have intellectual chemistry with people you’re not in a romantic partnership with. However, when it comes to your romantic relationship, this kind of chemistry is important.
Over time, other areas of chemistry might change or fade in your relationship. Having a strong foundation built on intellectual chemistry will help you stay connected with your partner, even when those things change.
Connection is so important for healthy relationships, and when you share an intellectual attraction to each other, you’re more likely to foster strong communication habits that will keep you close.
Do You Have Strong Intellectual Chemistry?
Whether you’re currently in a relationship or not, there are a few signs to look out for to determine the strength of your intellectual chemistry with someone.
For starters, what are your conversations like? Do you find it easy to talk with that person? Do you seem to understand each other without one (or both) of you having to explain yourselves or re-interpret things? If you can work through a variety of topics together with ease, it’s a sign of strong intellectual chemistry.
Conversations should also be exciting. You likely won’t get bored with someone you’re intellectually compatible with because you know you’re always going to learn something new. You value that person’s opinions, so you’re eager to listen to what they have to say.
Strong intellectual chemistry also eliminates the idea that you have to be in a competition with someone. It helps you realize that your mental capabilities are designed to work together. Again, that can improve your connection and strengthen your confidence in your relationship.
Building Intellectual Chemistry in Your Relationship
While physical chemistry might seem like something you either have or don’t have with someone, intellectual chemistry is sometimes able to be fostered over time.
Having an initial mental connection with someone is great. You can also build this kind of chemistry through healthy conversations, exploring similar interests, and simply spending time together trying new things.
Take a class together, or have a two-person book club where you discuss each chapter once a week. Don’t hesitate to get creative with your activities. You might surprise yourself with the connection you can build.
If you love your partner, but you’re feeling a lack of intellectual chemistry, don’t give up on your relationship just yet. Sometimes, improving your communication efforts can make all the difference.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to work on these improvements alone. Therapy can help you both feel more comfortable and confident,while teaching you better communication skills to bring to the relationship.
If you’re interested in learning more about intellectual chemistry or you’re ready to foster more of it in your relationship, feel free to Contact Us to set up a consultation or learn more about Couples Counseling.