If you’ve experienced abandonment at any stage of life, it’s hard to feel self-assured. People with abandonment anxiety are often insecure, and feel insignificant, at best. While that doesn’t mean you can’t be in a relationship, you might find things in that partnership to be tense and rocky more often than not.
Maybe you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner. Maybe you worry that you would be lost without them, or that they’re likely to walk away at any time.
Not only can these issues plague you and take over your life, but they can take a toll on your partner, and your relationship, in general.
You don’t have to live with the effects of abandonment anxiety forever, and they don’t have to damage your relationship. Let’s take a look at how you can navigate those waters with your partner and work to overcome your abandonment issues.
Own Your Feelings
When your insecurities start to spiral, you might look to your partner to make things better or to provide you with some reassurance. That’s understandable. However, it’s putting a lot of pressure on your partner, and could be setting up some unrealistic expectations.
It also furthers the idea that your partner is the source of “calm” for your anxiety. So, if the relationship ever does end, you could end up struggling even more. Even if the relationship is strong, your partner is only human. They’ll have bad days. When they do, if you’re putting your own emotional needs on them, you’re likely to be a wreck.
Own your feelings and work to cultivate a healthy mindset so you can take accountability for your emotions. Can your partner help you along the way? Absolutely. But, don’t let them be emotionally responsible for you.
Validate Yourself
There’s no question that abandonment destroys your self-esteem. It’s not uncommon to use your partner to find validation. You think that if someone is able to show and say they love you, it will make you feel good about yourself.
Again, that’s putting a lot of pressure on your partner. More importantly, it suggests that you can find self-validation. What happens if your partner is out of town? What if they actually criticize you about something? Does it send you into a spiral?
If so, you need to learn to provide your own validation. This will allow you to stand firm in who you are, rather than allowing others — including your partner — to define you based on how they treat you at any given time.
Take Accountability
Do you find yourself “blaming” your partner whenever you make a mistake or do something wrong? Maybe you say things like, “If you would only listen to me, this wouldn’t happen” when you’re having a disagreement.
Everyone makes mistakes in relationships. You have to own up to those mistakes when they happen, or things will go downhill quickly. Confront yourself. Examine your behaviors and how they line up with your core values and beliefs. If they go against those values, own your mistakes and own your part. Then, talk to your partner about it. This might be one of the hardest things you have to to, but it’s also a big step forward that will help change the dynamic of your relationship in a positive way.
Reach Out for Help
Abandonment anxiety doesn’t come from nowhere. While these tips can help you navigate your relationship, you need to be able to recognize your worth on your own, too. One of the best ways to do that is to work with a mental health professional.
Therapy can help you get to the root of your abandonment issues. When you start peeling back the layers, you’ll be able to grow your confidence and start fighting back against your negative, intrusive thoughts. If you’re ready to take control and improve your relationship, as a result, feel free to Contact Us to set up an appointment. You can learn more about anxiety treatment and Couples Counseling, as well.