Rejection hurts. No one wants to feel like they’re being turned down or even abandoned, especially in romantic relationships. You might even still feel a tinge of pain when you think about your first relationship and how it ended, or how long it took you to bounce back from the person who broke up with you in college.
But there’s a difference between the normal feelings that come from rejection, and allowing those feelings to completely knock you down and keep you from stepping into the next chapter of your life.
Sound familiar?
While no one likes rejection, some people are hypersensitive to it. They have a hard time handling any kind of criticism, judgment, or rejection because it makes them feel like a failure.
Of course, having rejection sensitivity doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy a happy, healthy relationship. So, what can you do to balance the two?
What Are the Signs of Rejection Sensitivity?
Because rejection can be hard on everyone, it’s not always easy to spot the common signs of rejection sensitivity. You might think you’re just a little more sensitive than others. When it starts to have a negative impact on your life, it’s important to take a closer look at whether your reaction to rejection is healthy or not.
With that in mind, some of the common signs of rejection sensitivity include viewing the rejection as a much bigger event than it really was, defensiveness, negative self-reflection, and even anger or lashing out.
You might also have certain personality traits in place to keep yourself from experiencing rejection often. Many people with rejection sensitivity are perfectionists. They deal with a lot of negative self-talk, but on the exterior, they want to appear as though they have everything together.
You might also avoid new opportunities or things you aren’t familiar with because you’re worried about failing or embarrassing yourself.
Unfortunately, a rejection-sensitive mindset can cause you to withdraw from people you care about because it’s easier than thinking about them rejecting you. When you are around others, you might be irritable or angry. Or, you might feel like the people spending time with you don’t really like you — including your romantic partner.
How Rejection Sensitivity Affects Relationships
When you’re in a relationship trying to deal with rejection sensitivity, you might constantly struggle with the thought that you’re not good enough for your partner. Your low self-esteem and negative self-talk can either cause you to become dependent on your partner or push them away before they have a chance to reject you.
It’s also not uncommon to need constant reassurance, validation, and approval from your partner. If you don’t receive these things as often as you think you need, it can cause you to become even more irritable and self-deprecating. In reality, your partner probably doesn’t even realize that by not providing that constant validation, they’re causing you to feel rejected.
What Can You Do?
Rejection sensitivity can stem from a variety of things. It can be the result of a traumatic experience or even attachment issues that go back to your childhood.
Whatever the case, one of the best things you can do to start working through your sensitivity is to seek out help from a professional. They can help you get to the root of everything, so you can practice self-care, be more mindful, and foster better communication with your partner. Contact Us for more information and how to work with one of our skilled therapists. You can learn more about Couples Counseling to get started.
Opening up to your partner about your rejection sensitivity is also an important step forward. They might know that it doesn’t feel good to be rejected, but they probably don’t know how deeply those feelings go for you. Choose to communicate often, share your feelings, and talk about your needs while you’re getting the help you deserve.