Tips for Communicating with an Avoidant Partner
Do you have a hard time fostering closeness in your relationship? Maybe it feels like your partner tries to avoid things like intimacy, vulnerable communication, and emotional closeness.
If that’s the case, you might have an avoidant partner. Avoidance occurs so they don’t feel trapped or too dependent, and it can stem from a variety of reasons. Often, negative childhood experiences lead to avoidant behaviors. But, it could also come from a fear of rejection or low self-esteem.
Whatever the case, it’s essential to understand avoidant attachment in your relationship, so you can effectively communicate with your avoidant partner. Let’s cover a few tips that can help.
Be an Active Listener
Active listening is important in any relationship. But, it’s even more essential when your partner has an avoidant attachment style. You can’t force them to open up. So, when they do, make sure you’re doing more than just “hearing” them.
Active listening involves eliminating distractions around you so you’re solely focused on the person speaking. Ask questions. Use nonverbal cues like subtle nods to let them know you’re listening. Repeat certain things they say, especially if you need clarification.
When your partner feels like they’re being heard and that their feelings are valid, they’re more likely to start to feel comfortable and will be more willing to keep being vulnerable with you in the future.
Express Your Feelings
You might assume that your partner’s avoidance means they don’t care about you or your relationship. But, that’s likely not true. They might simply be trying to protect themselves. It might be the only attachment style they know.
Focus on using “I” statements to express your feelings. Don’t play the blame game, as that can make their insecurities even worse and cause them to withdraw. Rather, be open and honest about how you’re feeling and encourage conversations that will allow you to work together to overcome those issues.
Be Patient
It’s not uncommon for avoidant partners to need space. While that’s not always easy for the other partner, one of the best things you can do is to be patient. Remember, they’re not avoiding you because you’ve done anything wrong.
Give them the time they need, and be there for them when they’re ready to talk. Your relationship should serve as a safe space for them, and that requires patience and grace. When they’re ready to come forward and open up a bit, make sure you’re offering positive reinforcement. Doing so will encourage them to talk to you more frequently about their feelings.
Don’t Chase
One of the worst things you can do when trying to communicate with an avoidant partner is to pressure them into talking. Don’t chase them around, demanding a conversation. That will make it harder for them to express their genuine feelings and it will likely create more tension in your relationship.
While you might desperately want to talk about things, it’s better to let your partner know you’re there and you’re always up for a discussion when they’re ready. You can let them know their feelings will never be judged when they’re around you.
Working with a Professional
If your partner has struggled with an avoidant attachment style for years, one of the best things you can do for them is to encourage them to get help. Therapy can help them understand where their attachment style began, even if it stems from childhood.
A therapist can also help someone with avoidant attachment learn how to open up and express their feelings more freely. If you’re trying to communicate with an avoidant partner, don’t take all of the responsibility, yourself. Encourage them to Contact Us soon for a consultation. You can learn more about Couples Counseling here.