Every family deals with conflict from time to time. When you’re around people often and you care about each other, you’re bound to butt heads.
Sometimes, though, family conflict can cause damage if you let it go for too long. Unfortunately, handling it the wrong way can be just as problematic.
If you’re trying to cope with conflict in the family, there are definitely some “right” and “wrong” ways to do it. Coping should come with an end go of resolution—whether that’s for you, personally, or for your entire family.
With that in mind, let’s look at some of the unhealthiest ways you can try to cope with family conflict. The more you understand about these mechanisms, the easier they will be to avoid.
Ignoring the Problems
Unfortunately, trying to sweep sources of conflict under the rug is all too common in familial situations.
Maybe you don’t think an argument is worth it. Maybe you don’t want to offend or hurt anyone. Or, maybe you’re just not a confrontational person.
Ignoring the problems plaguing your family won’t make them go away. Instead, it will create extra tension when you’re around those family members. You’ll all feel more uncomfortable, and without getting to the bottom of an issue, people are more likely to think the worst about it.
Emotions will always eventually come to the surface. When you try to brush things under the rug for a long time, those emotions become stronger and may “bubble up” at a bad time, creating even more conflict.
While it’s not always easy to address family issues, having a conversation about them right away can help everyone to start working through the problems and healing faster.
Bringing Old Wounds Into Play
If there’s a specific conflict in your family, it’s important to discuss it and work through it as best you can. That can be both difficult and painful, and you might be reminded of other times you were hurt by a specific family member.
But, it isn’t the time to bring those situations up.
Don’t let a productive argument or discussion turn into a name-calling session. Don’t let it become a way to vent all of your frustrations about a family member on them at once.
Far too often, people try to work on conflicts with the best of intentions but bring old wounds into play. Stay focused on this particular conflict. Not only will it be easier to work through, but you’ll end up feeling less pain.
Believing the Worst
When you’re struggling with a specific family member (or a few), it’s not uncommon to believe things about them that aren’t necessarily true.
Depending on the situation, you might start to believe that they’re out to get you somehow, or that they’re trying to cause fear or disruption in your life.
Are there toxic people out there? Yes. Can they even be in your own family? Absolutely. But, making those assumptions before actually talking to them about the problem isn’t fair. It will make it harder to come to a resolution with them and to find some peace.
Sometimes, you might need to remove yourself from a family situation or avoid interaction with certain members. That’s okay if their presence in your life is damaging to your mental well-being. But, don’t cut someone off without trying to cope with conflict in healthy, productive ways.
If you need help learning about some of the better ways to cope, feel free to contact me. Family conflict is hard, but not impossible to work through. With the right techniques and mindset, you can come to a resolution that works best for you.