No relationship is perfect, and every couple disagrees from time to time. But, there’s a difference between having productive arguments and experiencing criticism.
Even when you’re not arguing, if your partner criticizes you on a regular basis, that’s something that needs to be addressed right away. You don’t deserve to be under attack for no reason. Even if your partner thinks their criticisms are valid, they aren’t good for the communication and intimacy your relationship needs to thrive.
Maybe you’re the one always criticizing your partner. That doesn’t make you a bad person, especially if you recognize that it’s wrong. But, it is something that needs to change.
So, why does criticism happen in relationships, and what can you do to address it if it’s causing problems in yours?
Something More Beneath the Surface
More often than not, criticism in a relationship stems from something more than just a bad attitude or a partner’s anger.
If you find that you’re criticizing your partner for no real reason, stop and think about what your drive is when you say those negative things.
Often, people say hurtful things to others when they’re hurting, themselves. If you live with someone or spend a lot of time with them, they’re going to be an easy target. Feelings of loneliness, pain, or even anxiety and depression can cause you to become more irritable and snap or lash out at your partner.
If you notice they criticize you or “snap” for no real reason, it’s important to be understanding. Those words hurt, but you shouldn’t always take them at face value.
Opening Up and Showing Vulnerability
Communication is one of the best ways to get to the bottom of criticism in your relationship.
If you’re the one doing the criticizing, it’s important to find ways to open up and be more vulnerable. But, that’s often easier said than done.
Vulnerability might not come naturally to you, especially if you’re struggling with pain or sadness. Use some of the following ideas to open up, and to get your partner to do the same:
- Ask for what you need, especially when you’re hurting.
- Give your partner your full trust so you can express your feelings.
- Be present in the moment and practice mindfulness.
- Let your guard down to connect in a real and raw way.
When you’re willing to open up in your relationship, your partner will be more likely to share what they’re dealing with too. That can help to eliminate criticism, no matter who it’s coming from. The more vulnerable you are with each other, the more you’ll want to care for and nurture one another’s needs.
When to Seek Help
Criticism will always hurt, especially when it comes from someone you love. Whether you’re the one saying hurtful things or you’re on the receiving end, it’s okay if you can’t get through it on your own.
Because criticism in relationships often stems from something deeper, one of the best ways to get it under control is to seek professional help. Things like loneliness and depression can be managed, but you’ll need to peel back the layers and get to the root of the problem.
Consider talking with your partner about getting help, and support each other through it. It might even benefit both of you to attend individual therapy and/or Couples Therapy together. You’ll learn more about yourself, your triggers, and how you respond to criticism.
If you want to learn more or you’re ready to reach out for help, feel free to Contact Us to set up an appointment. Criticism doesn’t have to destroy your relationship. Together, we’ll work on ways of opening up and building a stronger foundation for communication.