It’s not uncommon for children with ADHD to be stereotyped in different ways. Unfortunately, most of those stereotypes can be hurtful to hear, especially as a parent.
One of the common assumptions is that children with ADHD are lazy, or that they’re just looking for an excuse not to do well in school, do their work, or have any responsibilities at home.
That simply isn’t true.
You might get annoyed sometimes if your child doesn’t do something you tell them to do. But it’s important to understand that kids with ADHD aren’t lazy. That’s a myth and a dangerous assumption.
In reality, their brain just works differently.
So, why do they sometimes come across as lazy? Why does it seem harder for them to get things done, even if it’s nothing more than a simple, menial task?
The Struggle of Executive Function
One of the main reasons children with ADHD are often seen as lazy is because they struggle with executive function. This is a certain set of skills that often comes naturally to most people. It includes everything from being able to pay attention to staying focused on a particular task.
So, if you ask your child to clean their room and you come back an hour later to find it’s still messy, don’t jump to conclusions. Yes, sometimes kids can be lazy—whether they have ADHD or not. But they may have started to clean and got distracted, or they may not have been able to fully pay attention to your request.
Instead of getting upset, talk to your child about their thought process. You might think picking up a room is easy. Your ADHD child might look at everything that needs to be done and feel overwhelmed. They may not know where to start, or how to organize certain things the right way. Simply put, they might not have the skills to clean their room, and that can’t be held against them.
Dealing With Stress
Speaking of feeling overwhelmed, it’s not uncommon for children with ADHD to struggle with stress and anxiety. They don’t want to do things poorly or fail, any more than any other child.
So, when they’re tasked with something they don’t feel confident in, they might choose not to do it. Not out of laziness, of course, but out of a fear of failure. That’s something that’s true for everyone, not just people with ADHD. If something scares you, you’re going to avoid it. You might not think something like homework or chores could be scary, but to your child with ADHD, it might be.
If you force them to go through with the task they’re stressed over, it could end up making things worse. Not only could it spark more fear, but they could be worried the entire time about whether they’ll do poorly or meet expectations.
How Can You Help?
The best thing you can do for your child with ADHD is understand that they aren’t lazy. Give them the benefit of the doubt when they don’t want to do something or they seem to avoid it. Instead of lashing out, talk to them about how that task makes them feel.
From there, try to break down the task for them. If they can see things in smaller chunks, they’re less likely to get overwhelmed, and it might be easier for them to handle. When they accomplish something—even one part of a project—offer praise and rewards to motivate them.
If you’re having trouble with your ADHD child getting things done, you’re not alone. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by your own frustrations. Feel free to contact me for more information and strategies you can use to help your child.