Teenagers are notorious for keeping things to themselves. There are plenty of old stereotypes and potential reasons why. You’ve probably seen movies where a tired teen slams the door on their parents because they don’t want to talk. Or, they hurry away from the breakfast table when a subject comes up they want to avoid.
While life is far from fiction, it can indeed be challenging to get your teenager to open up.
In many cases, it doesn’t mean anything serious. This timeframe is a unique stage of life for them, and they may be dealing with more than you realize. That said, the “unique stage” is what makes it crucial to create a consistent line of communication.
What can you do to get your teen talking and make it easier for them to open up to you?
1. Learn to Listen
Active listening is an essential part of any relationship. That includes the one you have with your teenager. However, you might not be able to get your teen to open up by asking probing questions.
Instead, listen to what they have to say whenever they choose to say it. Often, teenagers won’t want to sit down and have a serious conversation. Instead, they might start opening up while you’re in the car, or doing chores, or at the dinner table.
Don’t allow yourself to miss out on these opportunities. When you notice your teen opening up more, then you can start to introduce more questions.
2. Be Specific
Make sure the questions you pose are specific. Speaking in generalities won’t get you the information you want, and “big” questions can overwhelm your teen.
Instead, ask specific questions that are relevant to what they’re already talking about. Or, if there is something you genuinely want to know, don’t beat around the bush. Ask them directly, without mincing words, and expect that they will give you a direct answer.
3. Don’t Push
If you continue to push your teens to talk, you run the risk of “pushing” them further away. Teens will typically open up on their time and terms. While that can be frustrating, it’s essential to let the conversations happen naturally.
While you should ask your teen directly if you’re concerned about something and let them know you are there for them if they want to talk, don’t always force questions on them or bring up topics to try to get a conversation going. They might feel as though you’re cornering them. Besides, whether they have something significant to talk about or not, they’re less likely to open up when they feel as though you are demanding answers.
4. Don’t Try to Solve All of Their Problems
As a parent, it’s natural to want to work out your children’s problems. No parent wants to see their kids struggling! However, it’s time to stop looking at your teenager as a small child.
They’ll have problems throughout their teenage years. While you can help and support them, don’t try to fix all of those problems for them.
Teenage years are formative for a reason. It’s a time for mistakes, learning, and growth. Your guidance will mean a lot to your teen, but that doesn’t mean you should eliminate all of those problems. If they don’t learn how to handle their own problems now, they will be unprepared later in life.
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If you’re the parent of a teenager, know that it is completely normal to have it feel like your teen doesn’t want to talk! Find the right opportunities to ask specific questions, let them know you are there for them, and let them come to you to open up. You might start to notice they’re willing to engage in more conversations.
For more help parenting a teenager please reach out to me today. I offer teen counseling in Colorado.