Parenthood often brings up many uncomfortable conversations. Children have a natural curiosity about the human body, so you’ve likely experienced your fair share of sex-related questions.
As awkward as the classic “where do babies come from?” question is, there’s nothing to fear! You do your best as a parent to navigate the questions your children may have and answer them appropriately as you deem fit.
However, there’s one conversation that nearly every parent dreads having with their teenager: the sex talk. It’s essential to have this conversation early on and ensure that your teen makes smart, informed decisions about sex. That includes matters of consent and harassment.
Are you nervous about approaching the sex talk? Use these tips as a guide to get started.
1. Start with the Basics
It’s essential to keep an open mind while talking about sex. Remember, you’re there to give your teen productive, useful advice. While your child likely does already know quite a bit about sex, you should never blindly assume anything.
Make sure you appear as comfortable as possible, as it will help your teen be more relaxed too. Then, you can start by simply asking what questions they have. If they don’t have any, you can hop right into the basics.
You’ll want to cover safe sex, contraception, and STI/STD risk for starters. You may want to get into more in-depth topics, like the effects that sex can have on one’s emotional well-being. Teenagers are naturally curious about sex. And by having an open, honest conversation about the basics, you’re giving them the best chance at having a healthy, low-risk sex life.
2. Emphasize the Importance of Safe Sex and Consent
Sexual assault is a very relevant topic right now, and your teen must understand this. Explain that consent is an absolute must—there are no questions about it. Consent is one of the most crucial things when it comes to sex, yet it often goes overlooked in conversations between parents and teens.
Also, you’ll want to emphasize the absolute importance of safe sex. You should explain the risks of pregnancy and STI/STDs. If you feel like your child is at the right age, you could suggest getting them started on birth control.
When you discuss the consequences of sex, make it clear that you aren’t saying these to prevent your teen from wanting to have sex. Your teen is going to have sex—if not now, then soon. Your goal should not be to prevent this from happening. Instead, it should be to give them the tools to be successful and healthy when they do become sexually active.
3. Talk About the Emotional Aspects
Many parents approach the sex talk in a very technical way. You may assume that your child is more curious about the mechanisms of sex than anything else, and this mindset may be correct. However, it’s essential that you also put a focus on the emotional aspects of sex.
Teenagers tend to get very emotionally involved in their first relationships. Therefore, explain that sex may complicate their emotions—both positively and negatively.
Also, you may want to touch on other experiences. For example, your teen may experience catcalling or sexual harassment at school or in their workplace. These behaviors can take a huge emotional toll on a developing teen and may give them a skewed perspective of which sexual behaviors are/are not okay. Tell your teenager that if they ever experience harassment or any emotional trouble connected with sexual matters, they should not be afraid to come to you for help.
Support Your Teen
An essential thing you can tell your teen when talking about sex is that you’re there for them. No matter what questions they have, any advice they need, or possible trouble they get into—you will help them. By creating this aura of openness and trust with your teen, you can feel much more confident that they’ll make healthy decisions regarding sex.
You won’t be able to hold their hand through it all, but you can certainly set them up for success. So don’t put off the conversation any longer; initiate an honest discussion with your teen about sex. The sooner you do it, the better off they’ll be!
If you would like more information about parenting skills or how to talk to your teen about essential topics, please contact me. I offer teen counseling in Colorado