If you’re the parent of a teenager, you probably already know that they get angry at times. Maybe it feels as though it comes out of nowhere. Or, perhaps it’s been happening more frequently.
While your initial reaction might be to argue or punish them for their anger, that isn’t always the best option.
Instead, think about what might be causing them to express themselves in that way. Maybe they don’t know how else to get their emotions out or accurately express what they’re feeling. We all know the teen years are confusing, so it’s not a stretch to think they might feel overwhelmed at times.
What can you do to help them? How can you help your teenager get through their anger and resolve conflicts calmly?
Focus on Consequences, Not Punishment
As mentioned, your instant reaction might be to punish your teen for the way they act. If it’s their only way of expressing themselves, though, a punishment might make things worse.
That doesn’t mean yelling at you or acting out in anger is okay. They need to know there are consequences to their actions. When you make those consequences clear, it might help your teen to step back and re-think what they say or do before acting out.
Working Through It the Right Way
Let’s be real; you’re not going to get much accomplished when your teen is heated. Their behavior might start to anger you. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to walk away until they’re calmer. That allows you to take a breather, also.
When you’re both calm and ready to talk, be sure to practice active listening. Sometimes, that’s all a teenager needs—to feel as though they’re being heard and understood.
Active listening means more than just hearing what they have to say. It involves engaging in what they’re saying, asking questions, and encouraging them to talk. Let them know that you genuinely have a desire to listen to what they have to say.
Reflect on what they have to say before you respond. Summarize what you’ve heard to let them know you’ve been listening and that you care.
Finally, validate what they’ve told you. Feelings aren’t wrong, and your teen needs to know that. Once they’ve explained everything, you might say something like, “Yeah, it makes sense that you feel that way.”
Once again, if they know they’re being heard and their feelings are validated, it can dispel their anger quickly without having to argue.
Take Care of Yourself
If you do have a teen who seems to get angry a lot, it’s essential to take care of yourself as you work with them, too.
Vent to your partner or friends. Go outside for a walk. Do something you enjoy to de-stress.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. When you’re drained and overwhelmed by your teen’s behavior, you won’t be able to help them as effectively. By taking care of yourself, you’re more likely to keep calm and set a positive example for them as you work through their bouts of anger.
Teen anger is can be unavoidable at times. Remember that you’re not alone in dealing with it. By using some of the suggestions listed here, you can help your teen work through their anger. Plus, you can teach them how to understand where that anger is coming from. They can use that skill later in life to find some solace when they experience anger from time to time.
It’s a process. You may not see changes overnight, but these solutions can make a difference and strengthen your relationship with your teenager. If you would like more information on how to work with your angry teen, contact me. I offer teen counseling in Colorado.