Questioning how often you and your partner should be having sex might seem silly, at first. Unfortunately, it’s a topic that is often used to get a laugh in movies and television shows. Your sex frequency may be important to explore.
For many real-life couples, it’s a serious question, and it can be difficult to find the right answer.
There’s a reason for that—there really isn’t a right answer.
Falling into stereotypes or ideas that you need to be having sex multiple times a week to have a healthy relationship will end up making you and your partner unhappy if it’s not something you want and/or are able to do.
But, if you’re concerned that you’re not having enough sex and you want to do it more, that can create problems too.
Let’s take a closer look at some things to consider. While there isn’t an exact “number” you can use to determine how often you and your partner should be having sex, there are some relationship cues that can make the answer easier for you.
Sex Frequency: What’s the “Right” Number?
Multiple surveys over the years have shown that the majority of couples have sex once a week, or think that number is “just right”. However, there are perfectly happy couples that have a lot less sex, and some that have more.
When you’re considering how often you and your partner should be intimate, think about the factors that matter most.
Things like libido, schedules, health, life events, and even age can have an impact on how much you have sex. Simply put, if you’ve been married for 30 years, you probably won’t want to engage in intercourse as often as you did when you first got together.
That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship. Even if your partnership is relatively new and you’re still not having sex frequently, it’s perfectly fine if both you and your partner agree to it.
When Is It a Problem?
The problem arises when you don’t feel like you’re having enough sex.
It’s important to make sure you’re concerned about it for the right reasons. If you’re just worried that you’re not having as much sex as other people, try to let that go. Comparing your relationship to others won’t get you anywhere, and may leave you feeling dissatisfied.
However, if you truly want to be engaging in intercourse more often, consider why you might not be. Does it have to do with some of the factors listed above? Or is there something else going on?
Alternatively, you might feel like you’re having sex too often and it’s taking away from some of the intimacy you want to feel. That isn’t to say you don’t enjoy it and aren’t consenting to it. But maybe you’re struggling to feel as you once did.
Either way, it’s important to get to the root cause of these issues.
Talking to Your Partner
The best thing you can do to work through any issues with your sex life is to be open with your partner(s). Sex isn’t always an easy subject to talk about. It requires honesty and vulnerability.
If you’re concerned about your sex frequency; you’re not having enough sex or you’re feeling uncomfortable about having it too frequently, both issues can usually be resolved with open communication.
If there’s something deeper plaguing your relationship, don’t be afraid to reach out for help and Contact Us. A couples counselor or personal therapist can help you get to the bottom of any issues you might be facing. While sex isn’t the key to a happy relationship, it’s a wonderful way to boost your intimacy and show how much you truly care. It’s important to get it “right” in a way that works for you and your partner—not anyone else.