Conflict is a part of life. Everyone deals with it at some point, whether you’re arguing with a romantic partner, butting heads with a family member, or disagreeing with someone at work.
Believe it or not, conflict can actually be a good thing. We’re not all meant to have the exact same ideas. But, conflict is really only a good thing when it’s handled the right way.
If you’re being unhelpful in handling conflict, the situation you’re in is likely to get worse. At the very least, things probably won’t get resolved in a healthy way. Unfortunately, many people aren’t fully aware that the ways they are handling conflict could be doing more harm than good.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at four unhelpful ways you might be handling conflict.
1. Avoidance
You might think that avoiding conflict is a good thing. There are plenty of sayings about it. Don’t upset the apple cart. Don’t rock the boat. Unfortunately, avoidance will do more harm than good.
Sweeping things under the rug that are causing problems or making you uncomfortable will only make things worse, in the long run. You’re not going to forget about the problem, and the more you let your mind run with it without working through things with the other party, the more assumptions and misconceptions you’re likely to make.
2. Playing the Blame Game
If you’re always blaming others in conflict situations, you’re probably not going to reach a resolution.
Conflicts typically arise because two people disagree. Even if someone else is blatantly wrong, they’re likely to go on the defensive if you’re attacking them and pointing fingers.
Take responsibility for your role in the conflict. Instead of going on offense, use “I” statements to express your feelings. Doing so will make it easier to have a respectful conversation and perhaps gain a better perspective on what the other person is thinking.
3. Competing
Conflicts are not competitions.
If you go into a conflict feeling like you have to “win,” it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to work through things in a healthy, effective way. When you spend too much time focusing on being right, you’re not taking the other person’s feelings into account. You also might bring up things that are irrelevant to the conflict itself, like past hurts or issues that weren’t previously resolved.
Additionally, if you feel like there has to be a winner and a loser, someone is going to walk away with hurt feelings. That can create even more conflicts in the future.
You might end up more in sync with the other person than you initially realize. But, you’ll never get to that point if you’re so focused on winning that compromise isn’t an option.
4. Not Listening
Communication is a two-way street. If you don’t respect the person you’re in conflict with enough to listen to them, don’t expect them to listen to you, either.
Being an active listener can go a long way when you’re in an argumentative situation. Choose to give that person your undivided attention. Don’t roll your eyes, cut off their words, or practice what you’re going to say next. Instead, stay in the present and choose to really listen to what that person has to say. It could change your perspective, or at least help you feel more empathetic.
Conflicts are normal, but working through them the right way can feel easier said than done. If you’re still having trouble handling conflicts in healthy, productive ways, feel free to Contact Us to set up a complimentary consultation. Together, we’ll work on communication skills and learning how to listen, rather than going on the attack.