It’s easy to think about grief and assume it only occurs when you experience the death of a loved one. But, grief is a normal response to any type of loss — including the loss of a marriage.
No one gets married assuming that things aren’t going to work out. You believe you have such a strong bond with someone that you’ll be able to share your life with them forever. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for many people. But, even if you realize that your marriage should end, it doesn’t make divorce easy.
Let’s take a closer look at how divorce can lead to complicated grief, and how you can navigate your emotions and move forward.
What Is Complicated Grief?
There’s a difference between grief and complicated grief. Complicated grief occurs when you experience a long-lasting loss. It’s typically an intense loss that causes extreme emotional pain and makes it difficult to recover. The intensity of emotions can sometimes increase over time rather than decrease.
When someone you care about passes away, there tends to be some closure. When it comes to divorce, the process is often long and drawn out, especially if you have children. You might still have to interact with your former spouse regularly, and if things didn’t end well, that can make it difficult for the pain to subside.
Why Does Divorce Cause Complicated Grief?
While going through the loss of a marriage doesn’t automatically mean you’ll deal with complicated grief, there are several factors that increase your risk. When you marry someone, it’s easy to lose a part of yourself. You might start to develop a shared identity with your partner. While that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing in a healthy relationship, it can make you feel lost and alone when that marriage ends. You might wonder who you really are now, and that loss of identity can make it difficult to find a path toward healing.
Divorce also often comes with a lot of unresolved conflict. After all, you chose to separate for a reason. Even if things ended amicably, there isn’t often a clean break that allows you to simply “forget” everything negative that happened. There’s a lack of closure, especially if you have children with your former spouse.
Finally, you might be worried about the social stigma sometimes associated with divorce. If you’re struggling with shame or somehow feeling like a failure, it can cause you to isolate and withdraw from your support system. That can prolong your feelings of grief and create more stress and depression.
Overcoming Complicated Grief
Again, divorce is difficult, no matter the situation. But, if you find that you’re dealing with symptoms of complicated grief, including intense sorrow, feeling disconnected, wanting to avoid that person, or feeling meaningless, it’s important to seek out the help you deserve.
Lean on your support system. Family members and friends will be more than happy to help you through this loss and make it easier for you to determine who you are and who you want to be as you move forward.
Practice self-care. Prioritize things like getting enough sleep, staying physically active, and being mindful. Things like journaling and meditation can help you stay grounded and make it easier to adopt an attitude of gratitude.
Perhaps most importantly, don’t hesitate to work with a mental health professional. The weight of divorce can be overwhelming, and dealing with complicated grief is not something you should have to do on your own.
Therapy can help you learn more healthy coping techniques so you can move into the next chapter of your life feeling confident in who you are. Feel free to Contact Us for more information.