The parent and teen relationship is one with plenty of stereotypes. Maybe you have an image in your mind of a teenager slamming a door or trying to walk away from a conversation you’re having.
While these instances might be a bit over-exaggerated, it can absolutely be hard to connect with your teen, depending on how you are approaching the relationship.
Teenagers are trying to figure out who they are and what their life is really about. It doesn’t feel good for them to be constantly corrected by their parents.
Thankfully, connecting with your teen is possible. In doing so, you will actually be able to give them more guidance and advice without pushing them away. Let’s look at the importance of connection, and why it’s important to make it a priority in your relationship with your teen.
1. Empathy Will Bring You Closer
If you remember what it’s like to be a teenager, you know it can be a confusing time. Teens don’t always make the right decisions. But that’s how they learn and grow.
If you judge them for every “wrong” choice or even question their choices, you’re more likely to drive a wedge between the two of you. Instead of judging your teenager for the things they’re doing, empathize with them.
It’s okay to talk about your own experiences and what you went through as a teenager. Approach them from a point of understanding, rather than accusing them of something.
When you can empathize with your teen, they’re more likely to be closer to you rather than wanting to stay away. It provides them with a sense of comfort, knowing they can come to you to talk about anything.
2. They Will Be More Likely to Listen
Do you ever feel like your teenager just isn’t listening to anything you say? If they feel you’re talking “at” them with judgment, they’re more likely to tune out. Instead, connecting with them and trying to share your own situations can help them feel closer to you.
When you choose to approach their situation with understanding, they will be more likely to listen to any advice you have to give. Saying “you should have done something different” or you “shouldn’t have done that” causes an increase of distress in your teen (and everyone else) and it’s harder to take in what you are saying. That phrasing, and other similar phrases can lead to feelings of shame in your teen, which isn’t an effective route for change.
Connecting your experiences or confirming to them you understand what they’re going through will validate their feelings. As a result, they’ll be less likely to shut down, and more willing to receive your words.
3. They Will Come to You Instead of Someone Else
Once you’ve established that connection and trust with your teen, you can enjoy one of the biggest benefits a parent could have: Your teenager will come to you with any struggles they might be facing.
When your teen knows you won’t judge them for their mistakes, they will be more transparent with their choices. They will tell you when they’ve “messed up” because they value your advice, rather than trying to hide their mistakes from your judgment.
Being the first person your teen wants to talk to about an issue means you can guide them in the right direction. It can protect them from the wrong kind of advice from their peers, or even the Internet.
While it isn’t always easy, trying to connect with your teen is important. As a parent, guiding them on the right path is part of the job. You don’t have to judge or correct them to make that happen. Keep the importance of connection in mind, and you and your teen can become closer than ever.
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It can be challenging to change the way you respond to your teen. Or maybe, no matter what you try you feel disconnected from your teen. If you and your teen need extra support in strengthening your connection, contact us today. Serenity EFTC provides teen counseling in Colorado.