When you’re in a relationship with someone, communication is a key factor in keeping things healthy, open, and ultimately successful. Neurotypical couples can often struggle with communication. That’s especially true if they have different backgrounds or communication styles. Neurodivergent couples can have even greater challenges to overcome when it comes to effective communication.
If you and/or your partner are neurodivergent, how can you make sure you’re on the same page about things? What should you do when you can’t seem to get through to your partner, or vice versa?
Let’s cover a few helpful tips you can use in your neurodivergent relationship to communicate in healthy, effective ways.
Take Care of Yourself
Before you can effectively communicate with your partner, it’s essential to practice self-care. Self-care practices can help you feel calm and more in control. You’ll soothe your central nervous system and feel more energized throughout the day.
Self-soothing techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and journaling are all great things to include in your daily self-care routine. Taking care of yourself will help to ensure you aren’t saying things out of anger or frustration. It will also make it easier to understand your needs and wants, so you can express them to your partner clearly and concisely.
Don’t Take Things Personally
Your partner might not always say things the way you need to hear them. Their processing might make it difficult for them to pick up on certain social cues. Or, they might not communicate in a style that always appeals to your needs.
When that happens, don’t take it personally. Don’t criticize their character. Rather, think about the way they communicate as a different sort of writing style. Their words aren’t intended to hurt you – they just might look a little different.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
When you get frustrated or angry with your partner, the symptoms of your neurodiversity will likely become worse. You might say things you don’t mean, or feel so frustrated that you have a harder time communicating effectively.
Choose to stay calm as often as possible. Reframe your perspective, and show some understanding. Adopting that kind of positive attitude will make it easier for the amygdala to stay calm. As a result, you’ll feel more in control over what you say and do.
Let Your Partner Know You Care
The longer you’re with your partner and the more you prioritize communication, the easier it will be to understand each other’s needs and wants. Capitalize on that. Do things as often as possible that let your partner know how much you care.
Small reminders of your love and gratitude will help you both realize you’re on the same team. You might have different perspectives and different ways of doing things. But, understanding that your goals are the same will make it easier to overcome challenges together.
Practice Active Listening
You should have a vested interest in the things your partner talks about. Every time they share something with you, it’s an opportunity to explore the way they think. The more you understand them, the easier it will be to improve your communication efforts. You’ll also have an easier time putting yourself in your partner’s shoes when they’re going through something difficult.
Of course, active listening isn’t a one-way street. You both have to be committed to listening to one another, so you can deepen your understanding and your bond.
Keep these ideas in mind to communicate effectively in your relationship. No matter where you’re both coming from, clear communication is possible in neurodivergent relationships. You just have to be willing to be open about your needs, prioritize self-care, and remind yourself that you and your partner can work together even when you see things from different perspectives. If you and/or your partner are struggling with communication, Contact Us, for more information and how you can get started with one of our skilled couples therapists.