The goal of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is to establish secure attachments between partners. People tend to seek out this type of therapy when they’re having communication issues or negative patterns that keep causing problems in relationships.
But what does success actually look like? What can a couple expect from EFT, both during each session and after the experience is over?
Let’s take a closer look at what couples are likely to get from Emotionally Focused Therapy, and how you can measure the success of your treatment if you decide it’s the right move for your relationship.
What Issues Does EFT Help With?
Every couple argues, and no two people will agree on everything. You probably have a different communication style from your partner and even different attachment styles.
While conflicts in relationships are typical, different attachment styles can cause bigger issues.
Attachment styles are typically established in childhood. Maybe you have a secure attachment style because your parents and/or caregivers met your basic needs. Your partner might have an insecure style, be co-dependent, or deal with other issues that affect your relationship.
EFT helps you better understand your partner and where they’re coming from—especially in times of conflict. It can help to repair any bonds that have become strained within your relationship and make it easier to break free from negative patterns.
How to Approach Conflict
Once you learn how to break those negative cycles, your therapist will work with you to approach conflict within your relationship more effectively and successfully. It helps you overcome issues like neglect, negativity, and criticism. Those are all issues that can affect your bond as a couple, as well as your attachment to one another. You might not know how to argue, and while that can seem like a silly notion at first, it’s something many people struggle with.
Your therapist will guide you through typical conflicts in your relationship, and make it easier to respond to each other in loving, secure ways — without judgment. It’s not always easy to determine which issues are causing conflict in your relationship and threatening your attachment, which is exactly why a trained third party is so important.
How to Know If You’re Successful
You’ll know if your EFT sessions are successful if you’re able to overcome whatever conflict cycle you’re struggling with as a couple. The most common are:
- Freeze and Flee
- The “Protest Polka”
- Find the Bad Guy
Again, it’s not always easy to identify these conflict cycles on your own. When you become so entrenched with your issues that you’re arguing about them all the time, it can feel nearly impossible to break those patterns.
You’ll know if your EFT treatment was successful if you’re able to identify and navigate those challenges and overcome them.
Keep in mind that EFT isn’t just about fixing the problems that are currently plaguing your relationship. It’s about learning the skills needed to avoid more negative patterns in the future.
No matter what your communication or attachment style is, it’s essential to understand that both you and your partner are bringing different personalities, opinions, and even “baggage” into the relationship. Even if you’ve been together for years, those characteristics can still cause issues and negative cycles if you don’t take the time to address and fix them.
If you feel like your relationship is “stuck” in a cycle of negativity and you’re having a hard time breaking free from those patterns, don’t hesitate to Contact Us. We’re happy to talk more about what you can expect from EFT, and how it can improve your attachment and bond for years to come.