Having conversations with your teen that feel productive can be hard some days. There are plenty of stereotypes about caregivers and teenagers butting heads. If you have a teen at home, you probably know that some of those tropes are true!
As a parent/caregiver, you might already know that talking to a teen can sometimes be challenging. They might want their privacy so they won’t share everything you think they should. They can be quick to argue. Unfortunately, they might even feel like you wouldn’t understand what they’re going through, so they keep things to themselves.
Thankfully, if you fall into those stereotypes when it comes to your relationship with your teenager there are ways to foster productive conversations that can benefit both of you. Let’s cover a few effective tips that can make your talks more open and effective.
Find Natural Ways to Start Conversations
Let’s be honest, no teen wants to hear the words “let’s talk.” If you try to initiate a conversation that way (or using similar words), your teenager might feel like they’re being backed into a corner or forced into a conversation. They’re more likely to clam up or resist saying anything particularly important.
Take a deep breath and try to remember what it was like for you as a teen. When you had a talk with your parent, caregiver or an adult, what was uncomfortable or felt really easy about that conversation? Can you remember someone broaching a challenging conversation with you that had a positive outcome in the end?
Try to initiate conversations as naturally as possible. Maybe it’s time to establish a nightly walk together, where conversation can flow freely. You don’t have to talk about anything “deep” or serious, but over time, those topics will naturally come up. Meet your teen where they’re at — Think about your teen’s hobbies and interests and consider striking up a conversation about one of those. Again, over time, it will be easier for those natural conversations to lead to more informational and important topics.
Be an Active Listener
One of the biggest mistakes caregivers make is chiming in with their opinions, advice, and ideas whenever their teens are talking. As a caregiver, it’s important to provide guidance when your teenager needs it. First and foremost, however, you need to be an active listener.
Everyone wants to feel heard and understood, but that especially rings true for teenagers. They’re dealing with a stage of life where everything feels new and confusing. Though they may not admit it, they have questions. They have emotions and opinions, and they want to be heard.
Be open to listening, and providing a shoulder if that’s all that’s needed. Give advice lightly unless it’s asked for. The more your teenager feels like they can open up around you and actually be heard, the more often they’ll be willing to do it. You’ll become the first person they turn to when they’re struggling, instead of leaning on the opinions of friends or other influences.
Give Credit Where It’s Due
How many times a day do you tell your teenager what they’re doing wrong? If you’re feeling a little guilty about that right now, don’t worry. Every caregiver does it from time to time. After all, you’re trying to raise a fully formed adult in just a few short years!
Don’t forget to praise them for everything they’re doing right. Did they fill the car up with gas after driving it last? Let them know you noticed. Did they clear the dishes away from the table without being asked? Name it and acknowledge them out loud. These little moments of credit and praise can go a long way for a teenager. They’ll strengthen your relationship, build trust, and make it easier for your teen to approach you when they want to talk about something.
There are so many “tips and tricks” you can use to foster productive conversations with your teen. But, if you need a few ways to help you get started, these can make a big difference. By making a few subtle changes to your approach, you can have more fulfilling conversations and a close, more meaningful relationship with your teenager than you ever thought possible. If you’ve tried a lot of these tactics and/or are needing additional support to help foster your relationship with your teen or notice they might need a little extra support themselves, Contact Us to inquiry about Teen Counseling or Family Therapy.