In a perfect world, all children would develop healthy, secure attachments with their parents or caregivers. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen. When a child’s natural bonding process is disrupted, it can create attachment trauma.
Attachment trauma can be caused by abuse or neglect, or a lack of affection from a caregiver. Since forming attachments in childhood is essential, when it doesn’t happen the right way, it can have many negative lingering effects.
Let’s take a closer look at what attachment trauma is, some of the common signs as an adult, and what you can do to begin healing from it at any stage of life.
What Is Attachment Trauma?
When most people think of trauma, they assume some kind of catastrophic event had to occur. But, that isn’t always the case. Trauma doesn’t have to be a single experience. It can be something that builds up over time.
Attachment trauma occurs when a baby or young child doesn’t receive the care or attention they need. When a baby cries and no one pays attention to it or its needs are not met, it can lead to attachment trauma. While that happening once or twice likely won’t have an effect, if it continues to occur over time, the child might grow fearful.
However, things like abandonment, divorce, or even the death of a parent can also contribute to attachment trauma.
Again, attachment and bonding are crucial when a baby is young. If they don’t receive the healthy attachment they need, it can lead to lingering problems later in life. Some of those problems include struggles with emotional regulation, impulsive behaviors, a lack of social skills, and mental health issues like depression or anxiety.
Signs of Attachment Trauma
Far too many people with attachment trauma end up going undiagnosed for a long time. As an adult, it’s important to recognize some of the most common signs of attachment trauma so you can seek out help as soon as possible. Some of those signs include:
- A deep desire for independence
- The need for control in relationships
- Avoiding closeness in relationships
- Questioning your self-worth
- Seeing relationships in black-and-white, assuming everything is only “good” or “bad”
If any of these signs sound familiar, you might be dealing with the lingering effects of attachment trauma. Obviously, these issues can have a negative impact on your relationships and make it difficult to get close to anyone. Again, that can lead to other mental health issues, including depression.
How You Can Start Healing
The first step toward truly healing from attachment trauma is acknowledging what you’ve been through. It’s not uncommon for adults to repress childhood trauma, including abuse or neglect. Your mind does that as a defense mechanism to protect you, but it doesn’t mean you won’t still deal with the consequences of your trauma.
By acknowledging your past and identifying what caused the trauma, you can start working on the problem from the root.
Next, lean on the people close to you. You might have a hard time forming close relationships, but choosing open communication with friends and family members will help you start to express your thoughts and let others know how you’re struggling. It can also help you learn to trust people and adopt healthy communication practices.
Finally, consider seeking out the help of a therapist. Trauma-focused therapy is a fantastic way to not only uncover the root issues of your attachment trauma, but to help you work through it now, as an adult.
If you’re interested in learning more about attachment trauma or you’re concerned you’ve been dealing with it for years, don’t hesitate to Contact Us.