Getting divorced isn’t easy for anyone. Even if things ended amicably, there are situations that will never be the same if you share children with your former spouse.
With the holidays around the corner, now is the time to start discussing your plans.
Before now, you probably had yearly traditions that you did together with your kids. This year, since you’re living apart, those traditions will automatically have to change. That can be hard on your kids, especially after dealing with your divorce.
So, how can you navigate the holidays with your ex-spouse? How can you make sure to co-parent effectively so your kids can still have a great holiday season with both parents?
Set a Schedule
One of the easiest ways to avoid conflict during the holiday season is to set a schedule ahead of time.
In some cases, the court might do this for you. At the very least, they will usually offer a sample or suggested schedule that is fair for both parents. Those schedules often consist of alternating holidays based on the year.
If you aren’t ready to have a discussion with your ex, sticking to those court-suggested schedules might be the best way to go. But, it’s also important to consider whether that’s the best option for your children.
For example, maybe you always went to your former spouse’s family on Christmas Eve, because that was their big holiday celebration. So, it would make sense for your ex to have the kids every Christmas Eve, and you on Christmas Day, rather than alternating.
By setting a schedule before the holidays, you’ll be able to avoid conflict, and you can de-stress knowing you have something in place, so you won’t have to worry about any uncertainty year after year.
Keep Some Traditions
Your children need to come first, especially during the holidays.
Remember, you aren’t the only one who had to go through the trials of a divorce. No matter how things ended, your children were affected by the split. Even if it seems like they’re doing well, giving them a great holiday season this year—and beyond—can help to make the effects of the divorce a bit easier.
You can do that by keeping some familiar traditions alive in your household.
That might include baking cookies, decorating the tree, or going somewhere fun and festive as a family. Talk to your ex about those traditions, and you might be able to split them between the two of you so your kids have something to look forward to everywhere.
Take Care of Yourself
The first holiday season after getting a divorce isn’t going to be easy. While putting your kids first this season is crucial, don’t forget to take care of yourself in the process.
You won’t be able to co-parent effectively if you’re burnt out or overly stressed. You run the risk of lashing out or not being able to focus on rational decisions.
To be a good co-parent and communicate in healthy ways with your former spouse, practice self-care. Exercise, journal, meditate or cook healthy meals for yourself. There are plenty of forms of self-care, and they can all make a big difference in how you feel.
You might also want to consider taking care of yourself by working with a professional.
Speaking to a therapist or counselor can help you get to the bottom of what might be bothering you about your ex, and why you can’t seem to see eye-to-eye when it comes to your kids. You can also learn the skills necessary to communicate with them effectively, and focusing on putting the kids first, always.
Feel free to contact me for more information and let the upcoming holidays be easier on you than expected.