You probably don’t have to spend too much time thinking about the kind of person you want to be with. Everyone has their own personal “checklist,” whether you actually write it out on paper or not.
But, far too often, what we think we want in a relationship doesn’t go past the surface. Who doesn’t want romance, and someone to pay attention to them, and healthy communication?
If you’ve been stuck in a relationship rut for a while, it might be time to go deeper than that. It might be time to identify what you truly want in a relationship. When you dig into those needs, wants, and desires, you’ll have a better understanding of the kind of person you should look for.
Thankfully, identifying what you truly want in a relationship is easier than it might sound. Let’s cover a few tips that can help.
Consider Your Core Values
One of the best things you can do to determine what you really want in a relationship is to take a closer look at who you are and what matters to you.
You don’t necessarily have to have a partner who agrees with everything you say and do. But, you also don’t want to date someone who is inherently against the things that matter most in your life.
So, what are your core values? What are your beliefs? If you’re having a hard time getting started, consider past relationships. What have you wanted from them that always seemed to fall short? Where did you have to compromise, and was it to the point where you felt like you weren’t being true to yourself?
Give Yourself Time
Fight the temptation to hop into a new relationship shortly after ending one. If you really want to find out what you want and need, give yourself the time and space to do so.
Explore life as a single person for a while. You might be surprised by how much you learn about yourself. Go for walks. Head to your favorite coffee shop. Spend some time in the park. Take a class.
Learning more about yourself and what you want and deserve will make you less likely to settle when you’re ready to start dating again.
Look to Your Favorite Couples
Are there any couples in your life that you’ve always looked up to? Maybe it’s a sibling who has been happily married for years, or your best friend who seems to have a great communicative relationship with their partner.
While you shouldn’t be envious of other couples, it’s not a bad idea to have “role models” when it comes to what you want. Talk to them. Ask them what makes their relationships work. Then, ask yourself what you like about their relationship. Do they communicate well? Do they respect each other above everything else? Consider how important those things are to you so you can prioritize them in your next relationship.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care isn’t selfish, and it isn’t a waste of time. If you want to step into the kind of relationship you deserve, you have to value yourself first. When you take care of yourself, you’ll start to see yourself as worthy of the things you want in a relationship.
Focus on care practices like mindfulness, meditation, and physical activity. Consider journaling and jotting down your thoughts and how you feel about yourself. The more you start to value who you are, the more self-aware you’ll become. When you do step into a relationship, you’ll be able to express your needs and wants with confidence.
Navigating the relationship world can feel like a challenge. But, it doesn’t have to be. Keep these tips in mind to determine what you really want from a relationship, and you’ll be more likely to feel confident in choosing your next partner.
Finally, don’t feel like you have to overcome the barriers on your own. If you’re struggling with communication and the challenges of your differences, consider talking to one of our skilled professionals and Contact Us for more information.
Click here for more information on couples counseling.