Coping with transracial family issues as a parent can be hard to navigate. Adoption is a beautiful and wonderful thing. When you bring a new member of your family home, the last thing you may be thinking about is the color of their skin. The only things that matter are their health and happiness. However, we live in a world where racial issues are ever present.
Those issues might not impact your family as much if your new addition is a baby. As they get older and the differences become more recognizable, there are things you’ll undoubtedly have to face—together. So, how can you best understand and handle transracial family issues when they come up?
Keep the Door Open for Conversations
Basic building blocks of parent-child relationships is the same; making sure your child knows they’re loved, part of the family, supported and included. Creating an open relationship with your child so they feel comfortable to talk about these big topics are important. Try not to shy away from challenging questions or perhaps your own discomfort talking about race with your child. Help them put a name to it and acknowledge themselves.
Check in with your child and ask if they’re interested in learning about their biological culture/heritage. Listen to what they have to say and be present with them. What kind of questions do they have? Here’s a few to start exploring with them:
- How does it feel to be in their skin each day?
- How does being a different race from you impact them, if at all?
- Do they need help accessing information or finding resources to learn more?
- How can they feel more connected to themselves by exploring these parts of them?
Provide Knowledge of Cultural Roots
Some things you can do to help them include
- Providing opportunities for your child to learn more about themselves
- Help create dialogue about their experiences
- Create exposure to multicultural events they have interest in
- Doing your own research
- Understanding/learning specific needs of your child’s hair, skin, etc.
Remembering to check in with your child is important because their experiences and interactions with their identity changes and fluctuates as they develop. Try not to force anything on them while remaining supportive, when needed.
Understanding Other People
There are other transracial family issues that often start outside the home. Some people might treat you and your family differently because of racial bias. You might even experience discrimination—from strangers and people you know. It’s a harsh reality, but it happens more frequently than you might think.
One of the best things you can do to deal with the external issues is to educate yourself as much as possible. Understand the history of racism, and do what you can to learn more about the stereotypes of privilege. Your child might experience different types of discrimination as they grow up. How you handle that, as a parent, can help model to them what to do in those heightened and very challenging moments. Make sure to do your own work around these issues, as well.
There’s no denying that transracial family issues exist. Until we live in a world that doesn’t use race as a reason to define, us, as humans, these issues will continue to show up. By understanding some of the potential issues ahead of time and your own perception, you’ll be better prepared. As a result, you can spend more time enjoying and supporting your beautiful family. If you need help navigating personal or familial experiences, Contact Us. You can learn more about Family Therapy or how to support your child in Play Therapy and/or Teen Therapy, as well.