It’s not uncommon for a parent to deal with temper tantrums or “meltdowns” from their child from time to time. Those moments where it seems like your child’s emotions are out of control can be hard on both of you.
But, there’s a difference between the occasional tantrum and a child that is truly struggling with aggression.
Aggression in childhood usually comes from a lack of self-control. True aggression isn’t always hard for parents to see at first. You might think it’s just normal behavior as your child learns to handle their emotions.
But, if your little one has difficulty relating to kids their own age, is struggling in a learning environment, or causes problems within your home, they could be dealing with aggression.
So, what can you do?
Determine the Cause
There are several reasons why your child could be acting out this way. Sometimes, they truly don’t know how to manage their own emotions. Being a guide for them in that way is a good place to start.
However, childhood aggression can also be caused by conditions like ADHD, anxiety, autism, or other learning disorders. If you are seeing other signs of struggle in addition to anger, talk to your child’s doctor about a possible diagnosis.
Stay Calm During Aggressive Behavior
The goal when your child exhibits aggressive behavior is to get them to calm down. One of the best ways to do that is for you to remain calm.
It might be tempting to raise your voice or contribute to the chaos. But that will only make things worse. Instead, be a model of emotional regulation. Show your child that it’s possible to handle their emotions calmly and to talk things out by exhibiting that, yourself.
Don’t Reward the Behavior
Many times, aggressive behavior is triggered because your child “wants” something. They might want to stay up late at home or pick out a new toy when they’re at the store. That’s when a tantrum can start.
The worst thing you can do in those situations is “give in” to what your child is demanding. You’re not cruel by not giving in. When you do, you’re reinforcing and rewarding your child for that kind of behavior. They’ll make the connection that aggression gets them what they want.
Validate Their Emotions
If you see your child struggling, talk to them about it. You could say something like, “I see that you’re really upset right now” or “I understand that you’re angry we can’t get a new toy”.
Giving names to emotions and validating what your child is feeling will help them understand what their own mind is dealing with. It will also show them they can talk about their feelings with words, rather than having to act out in anger or through any kind of physical aggression.
Over time, talking about their emotions with them will help them get a better understanding of how to handle them. They can learn to self-regulate, which will help the outbursts of anger eventually disappear.
Remember, you’re not alone if you’re struggling with your child’s aggressive behavior. These strategies can help you and your child to manage those behaviors. But, if they don’t seem to work, consider that your child might benefit from additional psychological help.
You don’t have to feel overwhelmed by this kind of behavior, and not only are you not alone in dealing with it, but you don’t have to be alone to get help. Feel free to contact me for more information. This aggression doesn’t have to last forever, Play therapy can help your child. Together, we’ll work on developing more strategies for your child to rein in these behaviors and learn to better control their emotions.