Non-monogamous relationships are becoming more popular and accepted across the country. It’s estimated that between 3-7% of people in North America are in non-monogamous relationships, and even more have expressed an interest in them.
However, there are still plenty of stereotypes and stigmas surrounding this type of relationship. Unfortunately, some of them are in place for good reasons. Some people go into this lifestyle with the wrong mindset. They aren’t willing to set or listen to boundaries, and they aren’t effective communicators.
Both of those factors are essential for consensual non-monogamous relationships. This lifestyle can absolutely work for everyone involved — if you’re all on the same page.
The Importance of Communication
Communication is essential for the health of every relationship. But, when there’s more than one other person involved, effective communication becomes even more important. You have to be willing to express your needs and wants, as well as your fears and concerns, with your partners.
One mistake people often make is thinking that these types of conversations are a “one-and-done” deal. Things can easily change over time, and it’s important to stay in constant communication and check in with each other frequently to make sure everyone is still feeling valued and heard.
If you feel like your needs aren’t being met or you have a concern about something, don’t wait to speak up. Trying to brush things under the rug or hide your feelings will only end in disaster. Emotions always demand to be felt. Express them as soon as possible, so you don’t let sadness, fear, or anger control you when you’re trying to communicate.
Setting Boundaries
In addition to being open with communication, you have to be willing to set and abide by boundaries in a consensual non-monogamous relationship.
Boundaries might seem like a set of rules, but they need to be used for everyone’s benefit. Everyone in the relationship needs to discuss their expectations, as well as what they’re comfortable with. Everyone also needs to decide what’s off-limits and what they’re not willing to do.
When you’re clear with your boundaries, they are easier for everyone to respect. When you choose to keep them to yourself or aren’t clear in your communication, you might find yourself getting upset. You might even feel betrayed, even though you can’t blame your partners for not abiding by the “rules” they were unaware of.
Practice Time Management
People have different needs, and everyone wants to feel seen, heard, and understood in a relationship. One challenge people in non-monogamous relationships might face is spending enough time with each partner.
Time management is a useful skill for everyone to have. But, if it doesn’t come easily to you or your partner, consider different ways to ensure you’re getting enough time to make your relationship grow. That could include creating a weekly schedule or setting aside different times for each partner, so everyone gets the care and attention they need and deserve.
Take Care of Yourself
Even in healthy, communicative non-monogamous relationships, negative thoughts can start to creep in. One of the best ways to combat those negative thoughts is to practice self-care. Strengthen your identity and your sense of worth outside of the relationship.
Things like exercising, practicing mindfulness, and journaling are fantastic ways of prioritizing your overall well-being. Self-care can boost your confidence, reduce stress, and make it more difficult for feelings of anxiety or depression to take over.
If you’ve been interested in a non-monogamous relationship and you’re ready to explore those possibilities, make sure you’re doing so in a healthy, communicative way. Couples counseling can assist in navigating non-manganous relationships. When done correctly, you can find joy, fulfillment, and love in this relationship style without falling victim to some of the mistakes people often make. Contact us for more information.