As Neil Sedaka’s song says, “breaking up is hard to do”. No matter how long you were in a relationship with someone, a breakup can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. You might experience various emotions from anger and frustration to deep sadness.
Friends and family might encourage you to get “back in the game” and start dating again shortly after your breakup. In theory, that’s understandable. If you meet someone new, you won’t be as crushed about your past relationship, right?
But, dating again too soon after a breakup isn’t great for your mental well-being, and it could end up doing more harm than good when it comes to future relationships. So, how do you know when the time is right for you? When should you start dating again after a breakup?
Give Yourself Time
There’s a rule of thumb that you should give yourself at least three months before dating again after a breakup — longer if you were in a serious, long-term relationship. While that’s not a hard and fast rule you need to follow, the suggestion itself is a good one.
Give yourself time to grieve and breathe after a breakup. Whether it’s three months, six months, or a year, you need to be able to fully process what you went through and heal from it on your own. You won’t be able to do that effectively when you’re trying to actively date other people.
Work Through Your Grief
No matter how your relationship ended, it’s still a loss. It’s okay to grieve that loss, and it’s important to do it in ways that will help you move forward.
Most people think of grieving as something you do when a loved one dies. But, you can (and should) grieve the loss of anything that has an impact on your life. It’s okay to experience anger, confusion, sadness, and just about any other emotion you’re going through.
Self-care is a great way to work through grief. Things like exercising, getting enough sleep, and eating healthy are all ways to take care of your well-being so you can move forward. From a mental and emotional standpoint, journaling and meditation can also help you with the process of grief.
An unhealthy way to work through your grief would be to start dating someone before you’re ready. This is a way to mask your grief and move on without really healing. That’s not fair to you or the person you try to date.
Know the Signs of Readiness
Your friends and family members want what’s best for you. It’s okay to listen to their advice about how to get over a breakup and when to start dating again. But, don’t let them influence you to the point of doing something you’re not ready for.
There’s no perfect timeline for jumping back into the world of dating. However, there are a few telltale signs you can use to determine whether you’re truly ready.
If you don’t often think about your ex or your past relationship, that’s a good thing! It’s okay and expected to think of them on occasion — you probably will from time to time. But, you can’t get into a new relationship if you’re dwelling on the old one.
If you have your own hobbies and interests and you’ve been actively and happily pursuing them, you’re likely ready to connect with another person.
Finally, another sign to start dating when you’re ready to completely move on without completely comparing a new partner to your old one. You should be able to recognize the positives and negatives of your past relationship so you don’t repeat the things that caused problems.
There’s no perfect timeline when it comes to dating again after a breakup. Take your time, find what works for you, and understand that it’s okay to grieve what you’ve lost. If you need additional support in the grief or want to explore more about who you are and what you’re looking for, Contact Us to work with one of our skilled therapists.