There are plenty of stereotypes about the “spark” going out in long marriages. It might be something that’s easy to joke about. But, when you’re going through it, a lack of intimacy and passion in your marriage doesn’t seem so funny.
No matter how long you’ve been married, it’s not an excuse for intimacy to waver. You might not have the same butterflies and physical desires you did when you were dating years ago. But that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be a strong sense of intimacy.
In fact, intimacy should grow throughout your marriage. The way your passion looks might change, but the feelings should become stronger.
Not feeling that way? You’re certainly not alone, and it doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble. Let’s look at a few strategies you can use to rekindle the passion in your marriage and revive intimacy as quickly as possible.
Make Time for Each Other
There’s a common misconception that intimacy is always about sexual interactions. However, intimacy can be very emotional, not just physical. If you want to build more of it within your marriage, start by devoting more time to each other.
We live in a busy, stressful world. You might both have careers, kids to take care of, and schedules that don’t always match up. But, if you want to rekindle passion and intimacy, you have to carve out time for your relationship.
That might mean scheduling a date night once a week. Or, choose to spend 30 minutes every evening talking to each other with no distractions instead of watching TV or scrolling on your phones. When you prioritize that time, it shows both of you that your relationship matters. You might be surprised by how quickly you reconnect.
Be Affectionate with Your Touch
While physical touch isn’t everything, it is important when it comes to building intimacy. But, you shouldn’t just touch your spouse with the goal of initiating sex. Affectionate touch is a wonderful way to show your partner you care about them, you adore them, and you want to be near them.
Plus, when there are no expectations surrounding your physical touch, you take pressure off of the table. You can both enjoy each other’s company and the physicality that comes naturally without feeling obligated to do anything else. Often, that kind of touch will lead to something more. But, when those expectations are lifted, it can make for a more enjoyable experience for both of you.
So, hold hands more often. Cuddle on the couch. Hug each other. These simple physical acts can go a long way.
Increase Your Vulnerability
It’s not always easy to be vulnerable — either in or out of the bedroom. Sometimes, no matter how long you’ve been married, you might still have some walls up that keep you from completely letting your partner in.
Take baby steps to increase your vulnerability. Let your partner know your wants and needs, and share your true feelings. If you’re concerned about how they might react, focus on sharing one thing at a time. What’s most important to you that could be holding you back? Start with that.
You and your spouse are on the same team. You might not always see things the exact same way. You might have different needs. But, talking about them is the best way to strengthen your bond and your intimacy.
Don’t fall into the stereotype that it’s normal for the passion in your marriage to fizzle out. Put some of these strategies in place to revive intimacy, and you can enjoy the happiness and connection they bring for years to come. If you and your partner are struggling and want to learn more about couples counseling, don’t hesitate to contact us at Serenity EFTC.