Most people have a basic idea of what BDSM is. However, many of those ideas and stereotypes come from the media. Hollywood, especially, has often turned BDSM into something unrealistic and overly romantic.
While those depictions might sell movie tickets, they can also be risky for people who are actually interested in exploring the world of BDSM. Having misconceptions about what it really is can hinder your experience and put you at risk of finding a partner who doesn’t play by the “rules”.
With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at BDSM. What does the media get wrong, and what can you really expect?
The BDSM Basics
BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadochism, and Masochism.
Each of these words describes a type of erotic practice typically done between two willing, consensual partners. In most cases, a BDSM relationship will feature a “dominant” person and a “submissive” person.
The dominant individual often takes control both in and out of the bedroom. They might use bondage to restrict the submissive individual from movement. Or, they might discipline them if they break a rule that’s been previously agreed upon.
That, perhaps, is the most important thing about BDSM—all of the rules are agreed upon. Many people in BDSM relationships are happy and satisfied because they understand that rules are in place to keep everyone safe and happy.
Therefore, even if someone is in the dominant role, they still have to adhere to the rules, too. They can’t take things too far and put the submissive person’s safety in jeopardy.
How the Media Makes a Mess
The media has fantasized BDSM in a way that appeals to popular culture. In recent years, movies like Fifty Shades of Grey have caused more people to think they know what BDSM really is.
Unfortunately, Hollywood’s depictions aren’t always healthy. Those films (and books) show a lot more conflict and drama in BDSM relationships than what typically exists.
The media also tends to focus on the negative aspects of BDSM, typically only reporting when something goes wrong. Again, if someone takes things too far in a dominant and submissive relationship, that’s not true BDSM, even if it’s the only thing the news wants to talk about.
How Does a BDSM Relationship Work?
So, what is BDSM if it’s not what’s depicted on the silver screen?
It can be a variety of things for different couples. Some people like roleplaying. Others want to feel like they’re in power. Some people even like experiencing a bit of pain.
Most people who are involved in these relationships use them as a way to act out fantasies, experience a release, and show vulnerability while boosting trust. Studies have shown that BDSM can help to reduce stress, improve your mood, and that people in these relationships can have a deeper level of intimacy.
BDSM relationships work because there is a heavy focus on consent. While things like dominance and submission might sound a little scary, at first, the relationships are all about trust. That’s why it’s so important to have a partner who’s on the same page when it comes to understanding the ins and outs of BDSM, and not just what popular culture has labeled it.
If you’re interested in trying BDSM for yourself, the best thing is to educate yourself before starting anything. Think about what you’d like in terms of erotic practices. Read books and discover online content, or work with a mental health professional to help you determine if BDSM practices are in your best interest. Feel free to Contact Us for more information or set up a complimentary consultation with Hayley, our trained sex therapist.