Many people hear the word “perfectionist” and don’t assume the worst. In fact, some people think perfectionism is a good thing. However, those individuals probably don’t understand the full scope of what perfectionism really is, and how damaging it can be.
Perfectionism is more than just “doing your best”. It’s more than wanting things to be perfect but feeling okay if they’re not.
Instead, it’s an absolute need for things to be perfect, which is, obviously, an unrealistic goal.
Let’s take a closer look at perfectionism, what it is, and how it affects you.
What Is Perfectionism?
While not a “disorder,” perfectionism is a personality trait. It defines someone who constantly strives for flawlessness and often comes up with unrealistic expectations for themselves and others.
In some ways, perfectionism can be healthy. It can serve as a motivational tool and boost productivity. However, when there is an extreme fixation on things that can never truly be “perfect,” perfectionism can end up being debilitating.
Many perfectionists struggle because they focus solely on their imperfections. They’re never satisfied with a job well done because it wasn’t “good enough” for their standards.
Typically, a perfectionist tries to control situations, works excessively hard, or is extremely critical of themselves and other people.
What Are the Signs of Perfectionism?
Again, there’s a difference between wanting to do your best and striving for the impossible. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for those who are true perfectionists to miss some of the more harmful warning signs, including:
- You expect perfection from everyone
- Fear of failure
- Procrastination
- Defensiveness
- Avoiding things that might cause you to fail
Perfectionists don’t often like things that are exceedingly challenging because they know they might fail. That’s where the difference rests between those who want to work hard and do their best and those who want perfection every time.
That isn’t to say perfectionists don’t work hard. They’ll usually do just about anything it takes to meet their own expectations. However, it can cause a lot of fear, stress, and even anxiety.
If you’re a perfectionist and you can’t meet your unrealistic goals, it puts you at risk for another mental health condition—depression.
It’s not uncommon for people who identify as perfectionists to feel deeply depressed when something feels less than perfect, or something doesn’t go as planned.
Unfortunately, that creates a vicious cycle between depression and the desire to become even “more perfect”.
What Can You Do?
So, what should you do to fight back against your own expectations? How can you use your perfectionist traits as motivational tools without letting them overwhelm your mind and your life?
To start, understand your tendencies. Be aware of your perfectionist nature and what it’s doing to your life. From there, start showing yourself more compassion. Let yourself off the hook when you make a mistake, and learn how to receive constructive criticism from others without letting it derail your day.
Finally, focus on the positive things in your life.
It’s not uncommon for perfectionists to only pay attention to their mistakes (or the mistakes of others).
You can shift your perspective by choosing to focus on the positive aspects of life. What did you get right? Who is doing a good job around you? By focusing on those things, the negative thoughts of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations are less likely to take over.
Dealing with perfectionism isn’t something you have to go through on your own. Feel free to Contact Us for more information or to set up a complimentary consultation with one of our trained professionals. You don’t have to live with expectations you’ll never meet. Together, we’ll get to the root cause of your perfectionism and come up with a strategic plan to help you find balance, comfort, and peace.